If Only
by The Missing Twin
Summary: "Bones. He was chosing Bones. His best friend wasn't dying because of him." Kirk and Bones unknowingly walk into a Klingon trap, and they're not sure if they'll ever find their way back out
1. Sugar, We're Going Down

" _We're going down, down in an earlier round, and sugar we're going down swingin'"_

The mission was meant to be an easy one. Meant to be being the important part. Easy enough that the Enterprise had sent just a two man team, Kirk and Bones, down to the planet, minimally armed. At this point, Jim wasn't sure what his first mistake had been. Going down to the planet with only Bones, or not bothering to come more heavily armed. If only he would've thought of that before they had left the ship. Before beaming down to a supposedly uninhabited planet, and before walking straight into a Klingon trap. If only.

…..

"Oh come on, Bones! Give him a break," Jim called from the transporter pad. They were supposed to have left over five minutes ago, but Bones and Spock had yet to stop arguing about Spock's involvement in the mission. Spock had been injured on their last mission, one that had gone…. Slightly…. Awry, and Bones was refusing to clear him to go on this mission. Not that Jim blamed him, Spock still looked like hell, but this mission was more Spock's area of expertise, rather than Jim's or Bone's. They were simply going to beam down to the planet, collect samples of things like the water and foliage, and then beam right back up to the ship. The most they had to worry about was any creatures they encountered, but the planet wasn't said to house anything they couldn't handle.

"Doctor, given the nature of the mission it would only be logical for me to come along."

"Given the nature of your body, it would be logical for you to go back to the sick bay, you pointy eared idiot."

"I don't see the point in name calling in the present situ-"

Bones cut him off. "You're not going, Spock. As much as I'd love to throw a party over your death, I'd rather not do it today."

Spock, for once, stayed quiet, and looked to Jim for help. The fact that Bones was doing the same thing made the situation less than easy. Jim looked between them for a moment before setting his eyes on Bones. Bones stared back at him, obviously exasperated. "I am not looking after both of you. I am not worrying about that hobgoblin bleeding out from a re-opened wound while I worry about you dying of anaphylactic shock from some weird ass foreign thing!" Jim sighed, looking back to Spock. "All right, all right. Sorry, Spock, but you're hanging back for this one. I can't risk losing my first officer. There'll be a thousand more missions like this, you'll be just fine missing out on this one." He made his way off the transporter pad, and carefully patted Spock's shoulder.

Scotty asked if they were ready, and after getting a nod of approval from Bones, Jim reclaimed his spot on the transporter pad. Bones followed suit, and the two of them beamed down to a disaster they never saw coming.

….

Everything was fine at first, perfect really. They trudged through a dense forest, collecting samples along the way. They teased each other back and forth, and at one point Bones even threatened to shove Jim into an oddly colored river they passed by. They continued their adventure until they decided they had enough samples to call it a day and head back to the ship. That's when the problems started. Bones tried to contact the Enterprise to get the two of them beamed back up to the ship, and he wasn't getting through.

"I don't know, Jim, there must be some kind of interference."

"But there isn't anything here that should cause interference."

"Everything was fine where we beamed down so maybe we shou-"

Jim shushed him and held a hand up to him, more or less telling him to shut the hell up. "Did you hear that?" he asked. Bones looked at him, confused. "Hear what?" The rustling noise that made Jim cut Bones off to begin with came again. "That sound," Jim said, putting his hand on his phaser. "It's too loud to be anything native here. I don't like this, Bones." The rustling grew and spread to circle them. The two men backed up to stand against each other, back to back, phasers drawn and ready. When they saw what they were facing, they were screwed and they knew it. They were surrounded. Surrounded by Klingons.


	2. Get Up

" _We might not make it home tonight"_

When Jim first came to, there was a few moments that he was almost positive he was as naked as naked could get, but as his senses came around, he realized his captors had at least had the decency to leave him with his boxers. Not that he could see them, the room was so black that he knew he wouldn't be able to see his hand in front of his face. If he could try to do so, that was. He could feel metal shackles digging into his wrists, and when he tried, he could barely move his arms.

When he stopped trying to struggle against his bonds, he became suddenly aware of the silence of the room. The only thing he could hear was his own breathing. Only mere seconds of this filled him with a level of fear and panic that he hadn't felt in a while. "Bones?!" he shouted, again struggling against his bonds, more determined now to get out. "Bones!" God help those Klingons if they had done anything to his best friend. But a familiar, grumbling voice came through the darkness. "I'm here, Jim. Wherever the hell here even is." As the panic began to at least somewhat subside, Jim began forcing himself to think. Where could they even be? Surely the Klingons wouldn't risk trying to leave, not with the _Enterprise_ waiting for himself and Bones just outside of the atmosphere. They had to still be on the planet. Where would be the real question. The planet was covered in dense forest, easily hiding any small structures.

"We're still on the planet."

"Are you sure?"

"They wouldn't risk leaving, they had to have set something up here, or hidden their ship, maybe both. This was planned out, they knew we were coming."

"How would they know? _We_ didn't even know until a few days ago."

"I don't know, but this wasn't an accident, Bones."

The room suddenly flooded with a light so bright that it was almost painful. Jim squeezed his eyes shut and tried to turn away from the light. An unfamiliar, heavily accented voice hit his ears. "Hello, Captain. Doctor. I believe we have some business to attend to."

…

"Try again, Mr. Sulu." Spock said, pacing back and forth across the bridge.

" _Enterprise_ to Captain Kirk. Captain do you copy?"

Silence greeted them yet again. They had tried both Kirk and Doctor McCoy a few times, but had never gotten a response. Everyone on the bridge was getting worried, but no one was willing to say so.

"Try Doctor McCoy."

"Spock, they're not-"

"Try him again, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu sighed and tried one last time. " _Enterprise_ to Doctor McCoy, do you copy?"

Silence. "Is there interference?" Spock asked. Sulu shook his head. "We were having some issues earlier, but none as of now."

"Do you know what caused the earlier interference?"

"Scotty's working on it."

"Does med bay have a reading on their vitals?"

"No, they lost them a while ago."

"Is there anything we can do to find their locations?"

"No. The best we can do right now is a landing party. And even then we'd need to know what's going on down there, otherwise we'd be going in blind."

"We can not desert the Doctor and the Captain."

"You're the Captain as of now, Spock. You call the shots."

….

The Klingons were apparently vehemently positive of a war they thought the Federation to be planning on them. They wanted all of the non-existent details, so that they could be prepared when the time came. That's why Jim was here, bleeding, pain radiating through his body, and sweating despite the cold air in the room. All while his best friend watched. That was the worst part, he had decided. The fact that he _knew_ Bones could see everything they were doing perfectly, hear every sound of pain that slipped past his lips. Bones had tried to look away at one point, Jim didn't blame him, but instead one of their captors forced him to watch.

One of the Klingons, the one of them that could actually speak English, wiped Jim's blood off his face. "Feel like talking now, Captain?'" he asked, his smile wicked. "There's nothing to talk about," Jim huffed out. The Klingon gave a soft "hm" before looking to his cronies, nodding back to Bones, and saying something in Klingon. Bones locked eyes with Jim, his terror evident. They both knew what was happening. "Don't you fucking dare!" Jim roared. He brought his legs up and pounded his feet into the back of one of the Klingons. The Klingon fell to his knees and Jim got in one swift kick to his head before another Klingon brought something that looked vaguely like a metal log down on his knees. Jim cried out in pain, and collapsed against the wall his shackles were holding his arms to.

He was still struggling to stand properly when he heard Bones' first cry of pain. He couldn't ever remember Bones sounding like that. He jerked his head up, trying to see what those bastards were doing to his best friend. But they were blocking his view, most likely intentionally. He could only see the top of Bones' dark hair between their shoulders. Adrenaline rushed through him. "BONES!" he roared, yanking and pulling at his shackles. "BONES!"

He didn't stop until they left Bones alone. His voice was hoarse and his whole body ached. But nothing hurt worse than the sight of Bones. Jim was positive that nothing could _ever_ hurt worse than that. He could die in the core a thousand more times and it would never come close to this. They had been worse towards Bones. They would stop occasionally, let Jim see him, and ask if he had anything to say. The only responses they ever got were Jim's insistent screaming for Bones and for those bastards to get the hell away from him. At this point, Bones could hardly stand. In fact, he probably wouldn't be if it weren't for the shackles holding him up. His torso was a rainbow of bruises dotted with bleeding cuts. His right eye had swollen shut and was an ugly shade of deep purple.

"Bones?" Jim asked hoarsely. Bones lifted his head to look at him. "Can you see why I don't like space now?" Jim gave a small sigh of relief and cracked a small smile. "Yeah. I see your point." Bones let his head hang again, and leaned heavily on the wall. "I didn't realize you cared that much, you utter sap. I wouldn't be surprised if they heard you on the _Enterprise_." he said. Jim could hear a shred of a smile in his voice. "You only saved my life half a dozen times, what can I say, I got attached." Jim said, a small smirk creeping across his face. "Yeah well…. I don't think I can this time, kid." Bones said in a tone Jim had never really heard before. He had to wonder if they would ever get out of here. Would they get to see the _Enterprise_ and the crew again? Or would the last sights they ever saw be of each other beaten and bloody and gasping for air? He had no way of knowing. If only he did.


	3. Iridescent

" _When you were standing in the wake of devastation_

 _When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown_

 _And with the cataclysm raining down_

 _Insides crying "Save me now!"_

 _You were there, impossibly alone"_

 **Kirk**

The shackles released after Jim and Bones had been literally hanging from their wrists for what seemed like hours. They had both lost the ability to stand, Jim's adrenaline ran out rather quickly after the departure of the Klingons, and the pain in his knees rushed to him. As soon as the shackles released, Jim and Bones both dropped to heaps on the floor. Jim had been taken so off guard that he fell face first into the floor. In any other situation, he probably would have been at least mildly embarrassed, but at this point he was too in pain to care. He lifted his head off the ground to look at Bones, who seemed to be perfectly content with lying spread eagle on the floor. Jim forced his knees to work as much as he could, and slowly made his way over to Bones. Bones looked up at the sound of Jim basically sliding across the floor. "Jim, what in the hell are you doing?" he asked, slowly moving to sit up. "Freezing my ass off, you?" Jim said, finally reaching the wall and sitting against it. He motioned for Bones to join him. Bones scooted back to sit next to him, and looked him over. "You look like shit." he said, worry evident.

"Hate to break it to you, Bones, but you look worse."

Bones simply shrugged and leaned against the wall, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Doesn't that hurt?" Jim asked, eyeing the multi-colored bruises all over Bones' torso. "Better than freezing to death," Bones replied, shivering from the cold. Jim sighed and leaned closer to Bones, wrapping an arm around him. Bones looked at him, confused for a moment, and then simply scooted as close as he could get without being on Jim's lap. "Then I guess so is cuddling in our boxers," Jim said. Bones said nothing, just shivering against Jim's side.

…

"Prepare a landing party." Spock told Sulu. They had tried contacting Jim and Bones several more times, and had gotten nothing. Med bay had yet to gain back their vitals. In all honesty, Spock was starting to think they were dead. But there was no shot in Hell that he was saying that out loud. "Combat trained," he added. "They need to be prepared for any possibility." Sulu nodded and passed along the orders.

Spock stood next to the Captain's chair, staring out of the _Enterprise_ at the planet below. Kirk, his Captain and friend was down there somewhere. He had no way of knowing if he and Doctor McCoy were even still alive. The only ray of hope the crew had been given was the med bay's report on how unusual the disappearance of Jim and Doctor McCoy's vitals had been. But there was nothing to say that they hadn't just died under unusual circumstances, or that they had died after the vitals had caught out. Spock didn't want to calculate the probability of them being alive. He had the feeling the probability wouldn't be in his favor.

…..

 **Bones**

They were on the floor long enough for Bones to stop shivering. He was still freezing his ass off, that probably wasn't going to change anytime soon, but stopping the shivering was better than nothing. It had been a while since he or Jim had said anything, but what was there to say? They had just watched each other get beaten and bloodied, and they weren't sure how they were getting out of this one. It killed Bones a little that this may be the one time he wouldn't be able to save Jim. He took a quick glance at his best friend. Blood had dried to his face from his earlier bloody nose. His knees were swollen and bruising badly. Bones wouldn't be surprised if they had broken at least one of Jim's kneecaps, if not both. He had various cuts and bruises on about every visible part of his body. He was simply leaning his head against the wall and staring at the ceiling. He hadn't complained once.

Bones was well aware that the only time Jim had let his panic seep out was when their captors had instead turned on him for leverage, and when he had no idea where Bones even was. But Bones knew the panic was still in there. Jim was almost rigid, his muscles tight. If Bones were to ask, Jim would most likely say that it was just the cold. But he knew better. He could hear, however faint it was, Jim's uneven breathing. He could tell how hard Jim was trying to keep his face blank, and how much his eyes were failing him. That was probably why he didn't want to look at Bones. But Jim was Bones' best friend, and he saw right through it.

He was about to say so. He was about to give Jim some speech about how he didn't have to hold back just because he was a damn Captain. But the door opened, and robbed him of his chance to do so. Their captors, all but the one that spoke English, entered the room. Bones felt Jim's muscles tighten even more, something he wasn't even really sure was possible. Their captors stared at them for a moment, before one began saying something to the others in Klingon. Bones felt Jim's hand suddenly grip his shoulder.

Two of the captors approached them. When each one grabbed either of Bone's arms, Jim let his protests be known. So the Klingon closest to Jim sent a fist straight to the side of head. Jim's hand dropped from Bones' shoulder. The stupid son of a bitch was out cold. It was then that Bones began his protests. He struggled against the Klingons dragging him from the room, screaming and yelling. Once or twice he yelled for Jim. He knew it was useless. Even if Jim did come to, he wouldn't be able to do a damn thing. As the door shut on Jim and the remainder of their captors, Bones had to wonder if he had just said goodbye to his best friend.


	4. Wish You Were Here

" _How I wish, how I wish you were here"_

 **Bones**

They did nothing to Bones. At least not at first. They simply threw him into another room, one identical to the first and left him there, sealing the door behind them. They didn't even bother putting him in shackles, despite the fact that there were some dangling from the wall. They just left him to his own devices on the cold floor. He simply laid there, breathing hard. What the hell were these assholes up to? Suddenly separating them? Was this supposed to be another form of torture? If it was, it was already working, at least for Bones. Watching what they were doing to Jim was awful, but this was already worse and it had only been minutes. At least when he was there, he knew what was happening and how bad it was. Now he had no way of knowing. They could be in there murdering him at this very second, and Bones wouldn't know.

Somehow finding the will and energy to stand, he made his way back to the door. He didn't try opening it, there was no point in that. He simply sat down against it, pressing his ear to it. He may not be able to see Jim, but he could at least try to hear him. He wasn't sure whether to be worried or relieved that he couldn't hear his best friend. It may be naive of him to believe that they weren't doing anything to his best friend, but that may be all that would keep him from losing it.

….

 _ **Enterprise**_

They were waiting for a word from the landing party. They hadn't been down there long, but Spock was already getting anxious. It's not that he thought it would be easy to find Jim and Doctor McCoy, in fact it was quite the opposite, but he was at least hoping for _something_ to put them on the right path. He stood behind Sulu, hands folded behind his back. Sulu was well aware of this, and honestly it was freaking him out a little. "Spock, it's probably going to be at least an hour before they find anything. They're following the same path Kirk and McCoy did, and that's how long they were down there before we lost contact." Sulu said, turning to look up at Spock. Spock nodded, and walked slowly to the Captain's chair. He was well aware of this, but he wanted something to tell him that there was a chance of them still being alive. He _wanted_ to be proved wrong for once. He wanted that landing party to prove every calculation he had made wrong. He wanted McCoy and Jim back on this ship as soon as possible.

….

 **Kirk**

Jim pressed his forehead into the wall as he heard the whip coming down again. It collided with his back with a sharp _slap_ and dragged down. He cried out in pain. He couldn't help it. They had been on this tactic for what seemed like ages. He had lost track somewhere around twenty-seven lashes. They weren't even asking questions anymore, just bringing the whip down _over_ and _over_ and _over_. He was preparing himself for the next one when he heard the leader say something in Klingon. Jim's shackles were released one by one, and they let him drop to the floor again. He didn't even try to move. He didn't have the will to. They let him lay there for a minute, discussing something in Klingon, before two of them hauled Jim to his feet. They fastened the shackles back around his wrists, but this time he was facing his captors instead of the wall. The leader gave Jim his usual wicked smile. "Anything to tell us, Captain?" Jim responded with a glare, before opting to spit at his torturer.

The Klingon didn't even look startled by Jim's choice of response. His wicked smile simply widened as he wiped Jim's spit from his face. "I see," he said simply. "Very well then." He turned to the other three Klingons and spoke to them, probably giving orders. The three began to leave, and the leader turned back to Jim. "You may like me to add, Captain Kirk, that everything we do to you, we do to the Doctor ten fold." Jim's heart sank to his stomach as the leader turned away from him. A very _colorful_ vocabulary began streaming out of Jim's mouth. As the door began to close, he instinctively began yelling for Bones. But the door simply shut on him, and the lights shut off, leaving him alone in the dark to think about what he may have just done to Bones.

….

 **Bones**

Bones was still sitting against the door when he heard Jim. His voice came through the door very suddenly. At first, it only sounded like Jim was cussing someone out. Bones wouldn't blame him if he was. These Klingons were batshit crazy, who knows what they had been doing that whole time. But then his voice changed to a pure panic. Jim was screaming for him. "YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE YOU BASTARDS! BONES! BONES! BO-" his voice cut off. Bones scrambled to his feet, his heart pounding. He backed away from the door, trying to prepare himself for what may be on its way. His door opened, and three Klingons walked through. Bones tried to fight against them, but he knew three on one wasn't a fight he could win. Two of them forced Bones to the wall, his face being pushed against it. The third locked the shackles back around his wrists.

The door shut with the footsteps of the fourth Klingon, the leader. He approached Bones' side, and stood where Bones could see him. He was covered in blood…. _God is that Jim's?_ A whip sat across his hands. It was covered in blood too. It had to be Jim's. Bones had the sudden urge to vomit. The Klingon grinned at him, running his hand down the whip and flicking the blood onto the wall. Bones could feel his heartbeat in his temples. "The captain.." the Klingon began, "sends his regards."

…

 _ **Enterprise**_

It had been an hour, and they still hadn't heard back from the landing party. They had told the bridge their location a couple of times, but they were yet to report anything of importance. Spock was back to pacing back and forth across the bridge. Uhura had tried a number of times to comfort him, but at this point the only thing that could help was finding something. The bridge was sitting in a dead silence, the only sounds being the occasional beepings of machines and Spock's pacing. No one had even tried to contact the bridge, they knew not to in the current situation unless it was a true emergency. Even Chekov was unusually somber and quiet. It was almost as if none of them were daring to breathe too loudly on the off chance of missing something.

"Ensign Davis to _Enterprise_ , _Enterprise_ do you copy?"

Spock stopped in his tracks and watched Sulu as he responded to the landing party. " _Enterprise_ to Ensign Davis, we copy."

"Is Captain Spock on the bridge?"

"Yes sir, he is."

"Captain, we've found something. You're not going to like it, sir." Spock took a step closer to Sulu.

"What is it, Ensign Davis?" he asked.

"It's a uh… It's a Klingon ship, Captain."

Sulu muttered _shit_ under his breath. When Spock turned to look at Uhura, her hands were covering her mouth. Chekov exclaimed something in Russian.

"Do you know how many are aboard?"

"Our guess would be at least a dozen, sir."

"Very well. Get away from the ship and alert Mr. Scott of your location."

"Yes sir."

Everyone on the bridge looked to each other and then to their acting Captain. Sulu was the only one to speak. "What now, Captain?"

…

 **Bones**

The pain was so intense he felt like he couldn't breathe. They had stopped whipping him, and had left him a bloody heap on the floor in the dark. His back and neck burned like they had set on fire. He could feel trails of blood running down his back. He pressed his face to the floor and took in a shaking breath. "God damn.." he moaned. He pulled his knees up under him.

He could feel himself shaking, though he couldn't decide whether it was from the pain or the cold. Maybe it was both. He found himself wishing Jim was there. Jim was at least somewhat of a comfort, a distraction of sorts. He wanted his best friend. He wanted back on that stupid ship. He hated that ship, but he wanted to see the walls of it. He even wanted to see that stupid hobgoblin. But here he was, probably going to die on this cold and dirty floor. He wondered if the crew of the _Enterprise_ would even find he and Jim's bodies.

 **A/N:** I just wanted to give a big thank you to everyone who has given me any kind of feedback on the story, whether you favorited, followed, or reviewed. I love seeing that people are enjoying this as much as I am. I also wanted to give a quick shout out to my best friend (you can find her on here at . . ) but she has been helping me a lot with this story, this chapter especially. I really enjoy writing this, so the next chapter will be up soon!


	5. I'm With You

" _Isn't anyone trying to find me?_

 _Won't somebody come take me home?"_

 **Kirk**

They had released his shackles not long after they had left the room. He simply curled into a ball, his cheek against the floor, and stayed that way. He tried to focus on his breathing, in an effort to distract himself. He didn't know what was happening to Bones, and didn't know if he wanted to. Well, he didn't know at that moment, anyway. Not until the same sound he had heard earlier broke through the darkness. It was Bones again, crying out in pain. He sounded like he was right next to Jim. But he wasn't, Jim knew that. He had no idea where they had taken Bones. But he certainly wasn't still in the room. An all too familiar sound came, followed by Bones' cry of pain. They were whipping him. They were whipping Bones. And if that lead Klingon kept to his word, it would only get worse from here. They must have done something with speakers to where Jim could hear. They wanted him to have that much, apparently.

In a panicked frenzy, he crawled as best he could around the room, feeling for the door. When he found it, he tried to open it desperately. It didn't budge. He collapsed against it, ramming his fists into it repetitively. "BONES! LEAVE HIM ALONE! BONES!" he kept ramming his fists on the door, screaming anything he thought might get the Klingons to come back and leave Bones. Occasionally he would start screaming for Bones instead, trying to tell him that he was there and that he would get them out. At some point, he started crying. He couldn't remember when. He just remembered feeling the hot tears run down his cheeks, and remembered his breathing hitching and his words catching as sobs escaped.

The only thing Bones had done wrong was coming with Jim. Jim had _asked_ him to come. It was his fault they were even here. Jim wouldn't want anyone here with him, but Bones was the absolute last person Jim would ever want to go through this. They probably wouldn't even be touching Bones if they hadn't figured out how much of a weak spot he was for Jim. Bones' cries echoed through the room as Jim pounded on the door. By the time he realized how useless banging on the door was, his hand was already bleeding and he couldn't straighten one of his fingers back out. He leaned heavily on the door, still sobbing. He couldn't help but think that this may end with their deaths. And it would be all his fault.

….

 _ **Enterprise**_

The ship was preparing a second landing party, but was yet to hear again from the first. The original landing team had never even given Scotty their location to get beamed back up. Med bay had lost their vitals, only moments after the team had signed out from talking to the bridge. The crew was hoping the landing crew was still out there somewhere, but the med bay team said that it wasn't overly likely. The disappearance of Jim and McCoy's vitals had been out of the ordinary. There was a chance that they were still alive. But the landing team… their vitals had cut out like they had simply been killed. So Spock was making sure that his new landing team would be able to handle the Klingons, both in weapons and in the size of their group. He was also making sure he was going with them, along with a small medical team. If Jim and McCoy were still alive, they may need immediate medical attention. Knowing the Klingons, they probably would.

Spock was currently going over the weapons with Mr. Scott. He wanted to be absolutely positive that they could take these Klingons and get Jim and McCoy back safely. "And you're positive these can get us past the Klingons, Mr. Scott?" Scotty nodded, pulling out more phasers. "Best we've got, Mr. Spock. Should be able to blow through anyone and anything you come across." Spock nodded, and folded his hands behind his back. "Very good. Thank you, Mr. Scott." He then walked away to see how that landing party was coming.

….

 **Kirk**

The only break Kirk had really gotten was while the Klingons were with Bones. And given that he could hear every little thing that happened in there, and how much that alone tore him apart, he wouldn't really call it a break. But the Klingons were entering Jim's room yet again seemingly right after the sound cut off from Bones' room. Jim was still huddled by the door when they came in, and one of the Klingons nearly stepped on him. Instead one of them simply shoved Jim out of the way with his foot, and stepped inside. Two of the Klingons grabbed Jim under his armpits, and a third picked up his legs. The leading Klingon did that same wicked smile towards Jim. "Enjoy the show?" he asked. Jim glared at him and hoarsely told the Klingon to kiss his ass. He gave no response, and instead led his fellow Klingons from the room.

The three Klingons carried Jim down a long hallway. Every door they passed, Jim wondered if that was the room Bones was in. He wanted to call out to him and hope for a response, but he wasn't sure his voice could get above a whisper at this point. So he stayed quiet, and held back his cries of pain from the Klingon's rough movements. They definitely weren't gentle with Jim, holding him roughly and letting him scrape along doorways and corners. One of them had his fingers directly in one of Jim's wide and jagged cuts for Christ's sake.

They finally put Jim down when they reached a room that seemed to only house a chair and what looked like a giant bucket. They literally dropped Jim into the chair, this time he couldn't help yelping in pain, and started fastening shackles around his feet. The lead Klingon began tying Jim's hands behind his back, but not to the chair. "Need I remind you of our previous conversation? If you don't give me the information I want, whatever we have done to you, we do to the Doctor. And as you heard, Captain, he will get it much worse," the Klingon said in his usual pompous tone. Jim simply gritted his teeth and stared forward. He knew perfectly well. And he wished he could stop it, but he couldn't give up information, and certainly not information he didn't even know in the first place. He would simply have to take it, and just hope that Bones could take it too.

He stared down into the bucket in front of him. He could see large chunks of ice bobbing around inside of it. He didn't even have to question what was about to happen. He was proven right the second the lead Klingon grabbed him by his hair and shoved his head into the bucket of ice water. He couldn't help but gasp against the sudden cold, involuntarily sucking water into his lungs. He tried to cough, and only inhaled more water. The Klingon yanked him back up and Jim sputtered water, coughing and gasping. Water ran down his face, and his hair stuck tightly to his head. His nose throbbed from colliding with a chunk of ice. As he blinked away the water in his eyes, he could see the water in the bucket turning red from the blood that, earlier, had been caked to his face. The Klingon yanked his head back so Jim was forced to look at him.

"Anything to say, Captain?"

…

 **Bones**

The Klingons hadn't even been gone long when Bones heard them pass by again. He stiffened, for a brief moment fearing that they were already coming back for more. But they passed, without so much as even pausing at the door. Bones let himself slump against the ground once more. He hoped they hadn't gone straight back to Jim, but part of him was saying that he knew better. He knew how crazy these Klingons were, and he knew that the only time they likely left one of them alone was while they were going after the other. But that didn't mean he had to admit it. Hell, for all he knew, Jim could be lying in there bleeding out right now. It's not like the Klingons would try to save either of them. _God_ , he thought suddenly, _I'm going to die alone_. He couldn't see himself being reunited with Jim, as much as he wanted it. The Klingons had no reason to stick them back together again, unless of course they wanted to use Bones as leverage against Jim again.

Jim. If Bones was dying alone, that meant Jim most likely would too. His heart sank. He found himself wishing again that he was with Jim. If they were going to die, they could at least be together. It wasn't that Bones wanted to watch his best friend die, no one ever did. He just didn't want James T. Kirk, Captain of the _Enterprise_ and his best friend, to choke out his last breath alone. He wouldn't do the usual of saying everything would be fine; Jim was smarter than that, he would know better. He'd see right through it. It was just a matter of being there, and for Jim to maybe feel like he wasn't alone. If Bones couldn't save him this time, he could at least do that much. Jim would do the same for him. He was sure of it.

He wanted so badly to be able to save Jim. He had done so every other time Jim had found himself knocking on death's door.

But he couldn't.

He knew he couldn't.

And he would never admit to how much that hurt.


	6. See You Again

" _It's been a long day without you, my friend_

 _And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"_

 _ **Enterprise**_

The landing team was as prepared as they were going to get. Spock had checked with everyone and everything probably half a dozen times. He made the decision that the second landing party would travel like the first, on foot, and that they wouldn't risk taking the shuttles. They would lose some much needed time on foot, but the risk of taking the shuttles was too great. If the Klingons saw the shuttles approaching and Jim and McCoy were still alive, they may kill them at the sight. That wasn't a risk Spock was willing to take. Not when he'd probably already lost five of his crew in the first landing party. Not when Jim Kirk had put an entire ship in danger to come back for him. He could give his friend this much.

There was a risk, however, that Spock _was_ willing to was willing to risk his attendance among the landing party. Uhura had made multiple attempts to talk him out of it, even Sulu had tried. They were useless attempts; Spock was determined that he was going this time. He should have been with them in the first place, so he was going now. There was an anger bubbling inside him, an anger directed at the Klingons that had had the audacity to take James T. Kirk. If his Captain and the Doctor weren't alive…. Spock wasn't sure he'd be able to hold that anger back. And honestly, he didn't care. As Jim would put it: Those bastards had to pay.

…..

 **Kirk**

When the Klingons had decided to finally stop their newest method of torture, they dragged Jim back to his room. Very literally dragged, actually. They didn't bother having someone carry his legs this time, and instead just had two of them grab either of his wrists and drag him along. Jim could barely keep his head off the ground, let alone his back. He could feel some of the cuts ripping back open. He was sure there was some blood in the trail of water he was leaving. His whole body was soaked, and the cold he now felt seemed to come from his bones. His whole body shook with the cold. Even his boxers, his only form of protection from the cold, were soaked through with ice cold water. He wouldn't be surprised if his lips were blue. _Great,_ he thought, _of all the ways to go, I'm going to die of hypothermia_.

He watched the doors as they passed them, again wondering if Bones were in any of them. A sudden wave of guilt washed over him. He hadn't said a word the entire time the Klingons were trying their new method, and he was positive Bones would be paying for it. It wasn't Bones' fault at all; Jim knew that, Bones knew it, hell even the damn Klingons knew it, they just didn't care. Bones was their leverage in trying to get Jim to do what they wanted, despite the fact that so far it hadn't worked. Jim couldn't sell out the Federation, he knew that, but it was getting tempting. He just wanted Bones out of this. But there was also the knowledge that even if Jim did give them what they wanted, they would probably kill both he and Bones anyway. If he were going to die, though, he'd much rather die trying to save Bones.

…

 _ **Enterprise**_

They had just beamed down the the planet, Spock and Sulu leading the pack. They had brought a couple dozen battle trained ensigns, plus another half a dozen people on the medical team Spock had brought along just in case. He was hoping this would be enough. Scotty was prepping a couple of shuttles to come collect the bodies of the first landing party. If they could find them, anyway. And Jim and the Doctor should their rescuers be too late…. Spock shuddered internally at the thought. He could not, and would not, be too late. For seemingly the first time, he was declaring a very likely possibility impossible.

The group had been travelling in silence, and Sulu was the one to break it, very quietly to Spock. "I still think you should have stayed behind, you know." Spock glanced at him, before fixing his gaze ahead of him again. "I'm aware, Mr. Sulu." They continued walking in silence for a few minutes, their footsteps crunching on the ground. Sulu broke the silence again. "You care about him more than you let on," he said. It wasn't a question, simply a statement.

"What do you mean, Mr. Sulu?"

"Jim. You're risking nearly fifty people for him, Spock. That isn't like you, normally at least."

"The captain did the same for me. He risked the entire crew aboard the Enterprise."

"You're right, he did, and you were pretty pissed about it."

Spock was silent for a moment before answering. "I understand his motives now, Mr. Sulu." Sulu let a small smile cross his face. "I guess miracles can happen then."

"Mr. Sulu there are no such thing as-"

"Spock, finding them alive and well would be a miracle. So you better hope there are."

…

 **Bones**

Bones heard the Klingons when they returned Jim to his room, though he had no idea at the time that that was what he was hearing. He listened the footsteps of the Klingons, and the sound of something dragging along behind them. He didn't even think of the possibility of it being Jim, instead he found himself hoping that is wasn't a new torture device to use against either of them. He hadn't heard so much as a peep out of Jim since his warning of the Klingons coming for Bones next. He tried to hope that this was a good sign, but instead came a sickening feeling from his stomach. Maybe he hadn't heard anything from Jim because he _couldn't_ say anything. He hoped desperately that it wasn't because of the reason he was dreading. If Jim wouldn't be leaving this Hell with him for the _Enterprise_ , then what was the point of getting out? He didn't want to have to learn how to live without that moron. The wait after the warp core was enough for Bones, enough for a lifetime.

The Klingons entered his room, and Bones didn't even bother to look up at them. He simply remained in his huddled shape on the floor. They spoke back and forth in Klingon for a moment, before hauling Bones off the floor. Pain surged through his body, screaming in objection to the sudden jerking movements the Klingons were forcing him to make. He let out a small whimper of pain. One of his captors let out a cruel laugh. Bones wanted to kick all their asses right then and there. But he knew it was useless, at least for right now. He found himself hoping he would get a chance later, or that at least someone would. These bastards deserved it, that was for sure.

They picked Bones up, two holding under his armpits, and the third grabbing his ankles. They carried him out into the long hallway, carrying him away from the room he was hoping Jim was still in. He tried to look back towards the door, through a gap between his captors. What he saw, however, was the floor. The floor that had streaks of bloody water leading all the way to Jim's door. His stomach flipped, thinking of the dragging sound he had earlier. It had been Jim, they had been dragging Jim. Was he unconscious? Was he… no. No, he couldn't be. They were just being cruel, that was all. Jim wasn't…. He couldn't be. The image of Jim's still, emotionless face in a body bag flashed through Bones' mind. His stomach churned, and he felt a burning behind his eyes. He blinked, hard. He couldn't do this now, he couldn't give these bastards the satisfaction.

The next thing he knew, he was being flung down into a chair. He cried out in pain as his back made contact with the chair. Shackles fastened around his ankles, and someone was forcing his hands behind his back, and Bones could feel when they began to tie them together. He breathed hard, trying not to focus on the pain his body was radiating. _Don't give the bastards any more satisfaction,_ he thought. He stared forward, and found himself staring at something that resembled something between a giant bucket and a small bathtub. Ice bobbed in the water that sat inside of it. The water had a suspicious pink tint. Bones' stomach began churning again. It had to be Jim's blood. The chair and the floor were both soaked, the tint of the water, Jim had already been here. Bones squeezed his eyes shut, hoping with all he had in him that the tint of the water was simply from the blood that had already been on Jim's face. Jim didn't need anymore injuries.

A familiar voice greeted him from his side. "Ah, Doctor McCoy. Ready to get started?" a pompous and cruel voice asked. Bones opened his eyes and looked up to meet the gaze of the lead Klingon. "Is he alive?" Bones demanded, not even bothering to acknowledge what the Klingon had said. When the pause carried to long, Bones spoke again, gritting his teeth. "Is. He. Alive?" The Klingon chuckled, and Bones felt a burning fury in the pit of his stomach. "Answer me!" Bones shouted.

"Doctor, are you trying to intimidate me? Because I must advise that you are in no position to."

"Answer me, you-" Bones was ready to unleash a colorful vocabulary of his own when the Klingon answered.

"The Captain is alive, yes. But I'm afraid that if he doesn't give me what I want, then you, Doctor, won't be." Bones' stomach lurched. The Klingon simply grinned, grabbed a fistful of Bones' hair, and shoved his head down into the bucket of ice water.

…..

 _ **Enterprise**_

They had found the original landing party. And like the crew had feared, they were dead. All five of them. Sulu saw them before Spock did, stopping suddenly in his tracks, and allowing an ensign walking behind him to plow straight into him. Spock stopped when he realized Sulu was no longer at his side, looking back at the man. Realizing Sulu was staring, Spock followed his gaze to the edge of where the forest started to grow thicker. There was the landing party. The rest of the second landing party noticed quickly after that. Several gasps and a few curses came from the group. They all knew this was the most likely circumstance, but that didn't mean they weren't hoping otherwise. A few of the personnel from the medical team came from the back of the group and made their way to the original landing party, toting body bags along with them. Spock watched with an unreadable expression.

"Well…" Sulu offered weakly, "at least that means we're probably getting close."


	7. You Found Me

" _Lost and insecure_

 _You found me, you found me_

 _Lyin' on the floor"_

 **Bones**

When the Klingons decided they were finished, Bones could hardly breathe. His lungs and throat burned. His breathing was ragged. The room spun in and out of focus. They had left him under too long, probably on purpose, and his brain was screaming against the lack of oxygen. He tried taking deeper breaths, but each one only ended in a spurt of coughing, and water forcing its way out his lungs. He could feel himself swaying in the chair as the Klingons undid his bonds. In all honesty, he was surprised they hadn't killed him. It certainly felt like he was edging somewhere close, as long as there was water in his lungs, he probably was still close. In all technicality, he could still drown. That was a lovely thought.

He nearly face planted into the water when they hauled him from the chair. He was waiting to be dropped back to the ground, and to be dragged back into his room, but it never came. They simply turned around with him, holding him up by his arms. Great, they were forcing him to walk. Bones was positive at this point that someone drunk beyond relief could stand better than he could. When they started moving, Bones was wondering why they _weren't_ just dragging him. It would sure as hell be easier. He clumsily tried to move his feet, but the Klingons were walking far too fast for him to keep him. His feet dragged along the ground, painfully he might add, amd on a rare occasion he would actually be able to lift one.

He gave up when they neared the door that acted as his makeshift prison cell. He simply let his feet drag, and his head hang. He was exhausted, and trying to keep up with those bastards was useless. He would simply wait until they chucked him into his room, and curl up into the heap he had been before. But they walked straight past his door, not even pausing. At first, Bones thought he had miscounted the doors, or maybe overestimated how far they had walked. But then he realized how close they were to the other end of the hall. That _had_ been his door. So why the hell hadn't they thrown him in? He got his answer when they stopped to open the door that he hoped Jim Kirk was in.

….

 _ **Enterprise**_

Spock stood, staring at the Klingon ship in front of him. He was aware of Sulu behind him, prepping the ensigns last minute on their battle plan, and instructing the medical personnel. Given it was Sulu's area of expertise, Spock let him handle it. He scanned over the ship with his eyes over and over again. He had no idea what was happening in there. He didn't know how many Klingons there were, what weapons they did and didn't have. He didn't even know if Jim and Doctor McCoy were in the ship, alive. This whole thing could be for nothing. He could be risking the lives of almost fifty people… for nothing. The thought scared him. It terrified him really. His Vulcan side was urging him to suppress his emotions, but the human in him was fighting back with vigor. This whole situation had stripped his emotions raw. He had lost Jim once, briefly, but briefly was long enough. It was long enough for Spock to realize how much he cared for his Captain, his friend. He felt a rage, a _murderous_ rage, when Jim had died in the warp core. He could feel it bubbling again, deep inside him. He didn't know if he could control it, and he still didn't know if he even wanted to. He would get justice for McCoy and Jim if the Klingons had dared to take them away from him.

"Spock? Spock!" He had gotten lost in his thoughts and hadn't even realized it. He turned around to look at Sulu.

"My apologies, Mr. Sulu. What is it?"

"We're ready, sir."

…

 **Kirk**

Jim was curled into a ball against the wall opposite the door when it opened. He didn't look up, instead curling up tighter and closer to the wall. He had his eyes squeezed shut, and didn't bother to open them until something hit the floor with a distinct _thump_ and the door closed once more. When he did look up, his heart began to race and pound, but also surge in joy. "Bones!" he exclaimed, his voice hoarse and cracking. He flung himself to his friend, pulling up off the floor into his arms. "Bones," he repeated, "talk to me." The body in his arms huddled closer, no doubt trying to feel the little body heat Jim had. Bones was soaked, shivering and shaking, his teeth chattering. "Jim," he said softly. Kirk tightened his arms around him. "Yeah, I got you," he said. He couldn't decide whether to be relieved that Bones was still alive, or to be worried at the state of him. He settled for the first option, and hugged Bones tighter. A soft _ow_ came to Jim's ears, and he loosened his grip, only a little. It was a glorious couple of minutes he had with his friend. But that was the thing; it only lasted a couple of minutes.

The Klingons reentered the room, tearing Bones away from Jim. Bones was too weak to fight back. Jim tried, but was simply manhandled by two of the other Klingons. A pair held Bones, and other held Jim. The lead Klingon entered with the same wicked grin Jim dreamed about swiping straight off his face. He shut the door behind him. He stood between Jim and Bones and the pairs holding them, looking between them. His eyes finally settled on Jim. "Captain," he began, "I am here to offer you an ultimatum." Jim had the urge to spit at him again, but instead chose to remain quiet and glaring. "You give me the information I need about the Federation, or I kill the Doctor. Right here, right now, Captain. I'll give you the honor of watching, and Doctor McCoy the honor of knowing you chose the Federation over him."

Jim's body went rigid. The urge to vomit replaced the urge to spit on the lead Klingon. He couldn't lose Bones. He couldn't handle it, and he knew it. But he couldn't sell out the Federation either. He'd be pulling millions of lives at stake, probably more. He could feel Bones' eyes on him, but he refused to look up to meet them. He couldn't. He would totally and utterly lose it. Now wasn't exactly the time to do so. The lead Klingon's voice came again. "You have ten seconds to decide, Captain." He began counting down, the words echoing in Jim's ears.

Ten.

He couldn't let Bones die, especially not when it would be his fault.

Nine.

Selling out the Federation meant handing over the lives of countless innocent people.

Eight.

His heart pounded in his throat as he thought of being forced to watch his best friend breathe his last breath.

Seven.

There was no guarantee that selling out the Federation would get them out of here.

Six.

 _Shit shit shit shit shit_

Five.

Sacrificing himself was one thing, but Bones?

Four.

He couldn't, wouldn't watch Bones die.

Three.

God help him.

Tw-

"I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything," Jim choked out. Bones' voice ripped through the air. "Jim! You can't!" Jim finally looked up to meet his best friend's eyes. "Jim, please, it's-" Bones' voice cracked, "it's okay. You can't sell out the Federation, god dammit." But Jim could see the fear in his eyes. He could see the lead Klingon holding a blade just off of Bones' chest. Bones. He was choosing Bones. His best friend wasn't dying because of him. "Bones…" he started. He couldn't even finish the sentence. He didn't know how to. He was being selfish. He knew it, and he didn't know how to explain to Bones that he _just couldn't_ watch him die.

All of the Klingons looked to the door as a sound echoed through the hall just outside the door. As it got closer, Jim realized what it was. Phasers. It was the sound of phasers. The _Enterprise_ had come back for them. Jim grinned as the sound landed right outside the door. The door slid open, Spock, Sulu, and several ensigns firing into the room at the Klingons. The Klingon at Jim's left tried to draw a blade, but was shot down by Spock before the blade could reach it's intended target of Jim. Jim took the opportunity to shake the other Klingon off as he, too, fell and began to rush for the Klingons holding Bones. But then he noticed what he somehow never saw. Something shiny and silver, sticking straight out of Bones' stomach. A blade, one of the Klingons blades. They must have tried to finish the job.

A scream ripped through Jim's throat as Bones began to fall forward, no longer having the support of the Klingons. Jim tried to dive for him, but was caught by Sulu. Sulu was saying something, but Jim didn't hear. He was too busy watching one of the medical personnel who had just rushed in barley catch Bones in her arms. As she did so, Jim could see the glazed look in Bones' eyes. He fought against Sulu, desperately trying to get away to reach Bones. Sulu's voice hit his ears. "Jim, Jim, stop! You have to let them do their job! They have him, Jim, they have him." Jim didn't even noticed that another of Bones' nurses had approached until he felt the familiar pinch of a hypo being pushed into his neck. He barely had time to confirm to himself that it was a sedative until the world around him faded, and he slumped forward into Sulu.


	8. Lay Me Down

" _Can I lay by your side?_

 _Next to you, you_

 _And make sure you're alright_

 _I'll take care of you_

 _I don't want to be here if I can't be with you"_

 _ **Enterprise**_

Spock sat at the side of Jim's bed, watching his figure closely. He watched every rise and fall of the Captain's chest. The medical team had told him Jim would be fine, but Spock still found himself worrying. He had seen Jim in bad shape before, in fact it wasn't all that unusual, but this had been different. Jim hadn't simply gotten on the wrong side of a fight, he had been tortured. For hours and hours on end. Spock hadn't been there, but when he saw the state of Jim and Doctor McCoy, he could only guess what they had experienced. The Klingons were cruel, that was a fact Spock was well aware of. And knowing Jim, he had probably handled them in the most sarcastic way he could muster. He was sure the Klingons hadn't appreciated it, and had no doubt just made the situation even worse.

Spock tore his glance away from Jim to look up at the medical personnel rushing about the room to care for Doctor McCoy. He felt a certain sense of guilt for the extent of the man's injuries. Spock himself had taken down the two Klingons holding the doctor, but not before one of them could shove his drawn blade into McCoy's stomach. Jim hadn't seen, he was grateful for that much, but when Jim did see…. Spock would be okay with forgetting that moment forever. He would be fine with forgetting the sound of Jim's cry echoing through the room, forgetting the look on his face, forgetting the sight of Sulu trying to keep control over him. He could forget it all, and he wouldn't mind one bit. He had seen Jim go through many things, he had been with him for nearly four years after all, but this was the worst. Spock had never seen Jim look or sound like that, and he never wanted to see it again.

He also had the knowledge that whenever Jim and Doctor McCoy were able, they'd have to describe their experiences to the Federation. Probably repetitively. They'd have to relive everything over again, to a group of people they likely barely knew. He knew that both men would know this fact too, and that Jim would most likely try to delay it as much as possible. Spock wondered if both of them would stick to their usual attitudes towards things like this, and act like it was no big deal at all. He knew they both felt the need to, Jim being the Captain and McCoy being a doctor. Both positions were meant to show as little emotion as possible. If Jim showed too much emotion over this, he could lose his standing as captain, at least temporarily. Spock knew how much worse that would make things.

He had turned his gaze back to Jim when he heard Sulu's voice behind him. "They need you on the bridge, Captain. We're nearly to Yorktown," he said. "Thank you, Mr Sulu," Spock said simply. There was a pause as Spock stood, keeping his eyes fixed on Jim. "I can stay with him, if you want. Chekov can handle getting into Yorktown just fine," Sulu offered. Spock looked away from Jim to meet Sulu's gaze. "Yes. Thank you, Mr. Sulu."

"Of course, Spock."

Sulu knew as well as Spock that if Jim woke up alone, he'd panic. The medical staff was here, but they might as well be strangers. So Sulu sat in the chair next to Jim's bed as Spock walked away, leaning his head back into the cushion of the chair, but watching both Jim and Doctor McCoy as vigilantly as Spock.

….

 **Kirk**

Jim came to slowly, having trouble shaking off the drowsiness the sedative was leaving behind. He could feel a hand on his shoulder, not one that was trying to inflict pain, instead a friendly one. He wondered for a moment if it was Bones. Then he remembered the crew had come back for them both, and then suddenly remembered the knife and the glazed look in Bones' eye. He began to panic, scared to know if Bones was even alive. A muffled voice hit his ears. "Dammit, calm down, Jim, you're okay. You're fine. McCoy's okay too, you're both on the _Enterprise_. You're safe." Sulu. Jim forced his eyes open and looked to the direction of Sulu's voice. His face spun in and out of focus, but Jim could see the relief. "Nice to see you, Captain," Sulu said, pulling his hand from Jim's shoulder. "Sulu," Jim said simply, his voice hoarse and quiet.

"Yeah. Spock was here, but he had to leave to get us into Yorktown. He should be back soon."

Jim nodded slowly, trying to get Sulu's face to focus in his vision. "Spock came back for us," Jim croaked. Sulu nodded. "Yeah, he did. He said he 'understood your motives' for going back for him in the volcano, I guess he chose to use the same motives." Kirk nodded again, trying to force his eyes to stay open. "How's Bones?" he asked, eyes sliding shut despite his attempts to do otherwise.

"He's okay. Spock knows more than I do, though."

Jim forced himself to make one final nod before slipping back into the sleep the sedative was forcing him into.

….

When Jim awoke again, Spock was at his side instead of Sulu. The effects of the sedative had worn off, and Jim wasn't putting all of his effort into keeping his eyes open. "Hello, Captain," Spock said. "Mr. Spock," Jim replied, moving his gaze to meet Spock's.

"I'm relieved to see you're awake."

"I'm relieved to see you came back for us. Thank you, Spock."

Spock stared back at him. "Of course I came back for you and the Doctor, Captain." Jim let a small smile slip across his face. "I'm glad you see it that way now," he said.

"I do understand now, Captain. I must apologize that I did not understand sooner."

"It's okay, Spock. That doesn't really matter now."

Spock nodded, and a silence settled over them. Jim broke it only moments later. "How's Bones?" he wanted a solid answer, and he knew Spock would give it to him. Spock glanced across the room, then back to Jim. "Doctor McCoy is fairing well. The largest concern was, of course, the wound in his stomach," Jim grimaced as he relived the moment over again, "but it is already healing nicely. His nurses have opted to keep him in an induced coma until it can heal further."

"How long?"

"A day, possibly two."

"But he'll be okay?"

"Yes, Captain, Doctor McCoy will be fine."

Jim was by no means looking forward to having possibly two days without Bones, but he would deal with it if it meant Bones would be alright. He would have Spock, and whoever else decided to stop in. He appreciated that fact already, but he couldn't help but want Bones. Bones understood, he had been there in that hell the entire time. Bones simply _being there_ was enough.

"Spock, where's Bones?"

"Captain, if you intend to do what I thi-"

"Please, Spock."

Spock appeared to think about his response for a moment before gesturing across the room. Jim turned his head to look. There was Bones, lying still as a statue. Guilt flooded Jim, and he felt an all too familiar burning behind his eyes. "Captain?" Spock asked. Jim could hear worry trickling into his voice. He blinked hard and cleared his throat. "I'm fine, Spock," Jim said, his voice sounding worse than ever. He wasn't leaving Bones lying over there by himself for two days, regardless of whether or not he was aware of it. He slowly began pushing himself off the bed. "Captain, I would not recommend-" Jim held up a hand to silence him, and for once it worked. Jim knew Spock could easily overpower him if he tried, or just as easily alert the nurses. But as Jim swung his legs over the side of the bed, Spock did neither. Jim let his feet hover over the ground, trying to ignore the pain already floating through his body.

"Jim-"

"Spock, are you going to sit there and stare at me or help?"

"I really do not recommend-"

"Since when do I follow recommendations?"

Apparently that was what it took to get Spock to appear at his side. Spock held his arm out to Jim, and Jim took it, pulling himself up. Feeling how unsteady he was on his feet, he looked to Spock. "Looks like you're gonna hold me up, Spock." Spock nodded, and slipped his arm around Jim under his armpits. They made their way slowly to Bones, Jim waving off any nurse that noticed. He wasn't leaving Bones alone, regardless of what anyone said. Jim didn't wake up alone, so neither was Bones. Spock lowered him gently into the chair next to Bones' bed, Jim now only paying attention to Bones. Spock stood by his side. "Would you like me to stay, Captain?" Jim considered this for a moment before answering. "No, Spock, it's okay. You probably have things to do."

"I do, yes, but I can-"

"It's okay, Spock, go take care of what you need to."

"Very well. Multiple members of the crew have asked if you are up to visitors. What would you like me to tell them?"

Jim nodded. "Tell them to stop by, if they want."

Spock nodded and turned away, walking out of the med bay and leaving Jim alone with Bones. For now, that was exactly how he wanted it.


	9. This Is War

" _A warning to the people,_

 _The good and the evil,_

 _This is war._

 _To the soldier, the civilian,_

 _The martyr, the victim,_

 _This is war."_

 **Bones**

The first sight Bones saw when he woke up was Jim Kirk. He wasn't about to complain about that, but he could complain about the fact that Jim Kirk was asleep. Jim's feet were on the empty space on the side of Bones' bed. He was leaning back into one of the med bay chairs, arms loosely crossed over his chest. Given the state of him, Bones wasn't sure how he had managed to get the nurses to let him leave whatever bed he had been in. He was healing, sure, he looked better than he had, but he still looked like hell. Bones wouldn't be surprised if Jim wasn't _actually_ supposed to be over here, but there was the fact that Jim probably still couldn't walk on his own because of his knees. Jim's knees were tightly wrapped in bandages, but he could still see the edges of the dark bruising peeking out from under the bandages. He would be pissed at whoever let him get up, but he knew Jim better than that, and knew that it was more than likely helping him or letting him fall flat on his face. He would much rather _not_ have the latter happen, so maybe it was a good thing Jim had ended up over here.

He had no intention of waking the Captain up, he had no idea how long it had been since Jim had gotten real sleep, but he did on accident. He tried to shift to ease what felt like pressure on his stomach, and nudged Jim's foot in the process. Jim's head flew up from the back of the chair, his eyes wide. There was a brief moment of panic in his eyes, and Bones had to wonder if Jim thought for that brief moment that they were still with the Klingons. But the panic faded to utter relief as he looked down to Bones. "Hey, you're awake!" Jim's voice was coming back, but was still on the scratchy side of things. Even still, he sounded like a child that had just been led into a candy store. "You should be in bed," Bones grumbled.

"Seriously, Bones? I haven't been able to talk to you for nearly two days and _that's_ the first thing you say to me? Such an ass." Jim grinned despite himself, a genuine grin that Bones hadn't seen since they were exploring the planet before shit hit the fan. Had he really been out for two days? Why in the hell-... His last few moments of consciousness hit him like a frieght train. He hadn't even realized what was happening, not at first. Just confusion at watching Spock's face seem to drop as he looked at him. Then he looked down and there it was… Everything started to blur after that point.

"Bones? Bones, hey!" Jim was snapping in front of his face, trying to get his attention. Bones met his gaze, and saw the concern in his eyes. He must have zoned out. "Bones, are you okay?" Bones nodded in response, grabbing onto Jim's wrist and pulling himself up to sit. It hurt like hell, but laying down wasn't all that comfortable either. Besides, if the nurses were letting Jim get out of bed, he could sit up, damn it. He let go of Jim's wrist and swatted his hand away. "Get your hand out of my face," he grumbled.

"Hey, it came in… _handy_ didn't it?" Jim grinned again, and Bones rolled his eyes. Typical Jim acting like they hadn't just been tortured for… how long had they even been in there? He looked at Jim. "How long were we there, Jim?" Jim's face fell, and he leaned into the chair again. "Do we have to talk about this now?"

"You and I both know we'll have to at some point."

"That's at some point, Bones, not _now_."

They stared at each other for a long moment, seemingly arguing silently. Jim sighed and gave in. "Eighteen hours. Roughly. I asked Spock earlier."

"So the pointy eared bastard has been here."

"Yeah, he's been here. A lot of people have. Mostly Spock and Sulu. Scotty and Chekov are a close second, though. Uhura left right before you woke up."

"What else has the hobgoblin said?"

"Not much. He doesn't seem to talk about it either."

It was then that Bones realized that what had happened had affected everyone on the ship, not just he and Jim. They were stuck on the ship until they could figure out what was going on, probably not even knowing if they were alive. It had been bad enough for Bones not knowing what was going on with Jim, but the crew had to worry about both of them. The crew of the _Enterprise_ was a close one, and Bones knew that this probably weighed on all of them. For whatever reason, this knowledge only put more weight on Bones' shoulders.

"Bones, are you sure you're okay?" he could feel Jim's eyes on him, but couldn't look up to meet them. The back of his throat burned. He felt Jim's hand settle on his arm. Bones blinked hard, trying to push back the pressure behind his eyes. _Not now, damn it_ he thought. Crying in front of Jim would be bad enough, let alone falling apart in front of his medical staff. He was fine now, he was on the _Enterprise_ , he had Jim. They were fine. He just had to _calm the hell down_. He took in a deep breath and blinked hard one last time before looking up to meet Jim's gaze. "I'm fine," he said, sounding more confident than he felt. He could tell Jim didn't believe him, but he nodded and pulled his hand from Bones' arm anyway. Bones watched as he did so, and noticed something he hadn't before.

"Jim, what the hell happened to your hand?"

Jim's hand, the one that hadn't just been pulled from Bones' arm, was wrapped tightly. Two of his fingers were wrapped just as well, and Bones could tell they were splinted inside the wrapping. He vaguely remembered Jim having a bloody hand, but he didn't know why or how it had happened. Jim looked down at his hand, seemingly examining it himself. He looked back to Bones with a wry smile. "That is another story for another time."

….

 **Spock**

Spock should have been reboarding the _Enterprise_ , but found himself wandering around Yorktown instead. He had just finished a meeting with the Federation officials who were actually in Yorktown. He was hoping they would give Jim and Doctor McCoy time to heal before they presented what they had been through to Starfleet, but apparently the officials didn't see it that way. They wanted the _Enterprise_ to return to Earth as soon as possible, and for Doctor McCoy and Jim to report to Starfleet headquarters. There was a high risk for war with the Klingons, Spock knew that. But Jim and Doctor McCoy deserved more than a couple of days. Jim couldn't even walk on his own, and Spock didn't know whether or not Doctor McCoy was even awake. Jim had had a little time to process things, but Doctor McCoy would have next to none. They were being forced to process what had happened in front of who knew how many strangers. It just didn't seem right. This was only made worse by the fact that Spock most likely wouldn't be allowed to attend. He couldn't even be there for his friends. It was, as McCoy would say; horse shit.

…

 **Kirk**

Jim and Bones had resorted to something close to silence. If anything was said, it was usually Bones complaining about the fact that Jim was being allowed to have coffee and all he could have was water and crackers. They didn't really need to talk, they were sitting next to each other and that was enough. Jim let his coffee cup warm his hand, watching Bones push his straw around in his water. Jim had admittedly been on the lonely side without Bones the past couple days. Several members of the crew had visited several times (Spock held the record at seven, Sulu wasn't far behind at six), but Jim couldn't help but feel alone. The crew couldn't really understand what had happened, and Bones could. Not to mention that Bones was the one who knew Jim best. Spock wasn't far behind him, granted, but Bones was Bones. Bones was the best friend Jim had ever had. Their…. adventure…. had made him realize how much he really didn't want to be without Bones. Even it was only for a couple days.

Bones was opening his mouth to say something when Jim heard Spock's footsteps behind him. He stopped at Jim's side, and Jim looked up to him. "Hey, Spock."

"Captain. Doctor McCoy, I'm pleased to see you're awake."

Bones nodded, watching Spock, still pushing around his straw. "Thanks, hobgoblin."

"I still do not understand why-"

Jim held his hand up. "Just forget it, Spock. Anything new?" Jim saw Spock shift on his feet. Jim sent a quick glance at Bones, who seemed to have caught it as well, and was looking at Jim slightly uneasily. "What, Spock?" Jim asked, looking back to him." Spock took a deep breath before beginning. "Captain, we're returning to Earth."

"What?! Why?! That'll put us behind even more on the mission!"

"I am well aware, Captain. But the Federation officials think it would be best for us to return to Earth and for you and Doctor McCoy to report to Starfleet headquarters."

"Report to headquarters for what?"

"So that you and Doctor McCoy can present your case, and give them the opportunity to decide if it is worthy to declare war on the Klingons."

Jim's stomach flipped, and he looked to Bones. Bones didn't even look at him, instead staring down into his glass of water. A war with the Klingons over them? What they had experienced was a living hell, but they were two people. A war would mean the lives of thousands. Jim didn't want that, not over he and Bones. And they were alive weren't they? A couple weeks, they would be basically back to normal. And besides, hadn't his crew killed some of the Klingons that were their captors? Why weren't the Klingons declaring war on _them_? The crew of the _Enterprise_ had killed Klingon officers. Jim and Bones had lived. The Klingons that were dead were rightfully such, but that didn't mean the Klingons saw it that way. They may celebrate death in battle, but Jim wasn't sure how they would take somewhere close to a dozen of their officers being killed.

"I tried to convince them otherwise, but they see this plan as best. I am sorry, Jim, Leonard." Spock continued, his hands folded behind his back. Only then did Bones glance up, only briefly, and nodded. "Thanks for trying, Spock."

 **A/N:** I am so sorry for the wait! I got stuck with writer's block about half way through this chapter, not to mention a lot going on with my marching band this week. The next chapter should be up must faster. If not, I apologize in advance. I love hearing from you guys, so remember to leave a review or favorite/follow! Thanks again for all the love 3


	10. Carry On

" _You swore and said we are not_

 _We are not shining stars_

 _This I know, I never said we are_

 _Though I've never been through hell like that"_

 **Bones**

Bones laid on his back in his medbay bed, staring at the ceiling. He should have been sleeping, but he couldn't force himself to even close his eyes to do so. Jim was in his own bed now, via Bones' orders and Spock's help, and Bones could hear him snoring every now and again. He wanted company, but he didn't want it bad enough to wake up Jim. So instead he simply acquainted himself with the ceiling he had never really bothered to look at. The lights were at 10%, just enough to see. Neither Jim or Bones wanted it totally dark, despite the nurses insisting that it would help them sleep, and Bones' own knowledge that they were correct. But Bones had seen enough darkness the past couple of days, and he was okay with not seeing it tonight. Even if it did mean sacrificing a little bit of sleep. It's not like he was likely to get much anyway, he had no doubt in the fact that if he let his eyes slip shut, he'd start dreaming about the Klingons. Honestly, he didn't even know how Jim was sleeping. He had been prone to nightmares before this, and before the warp core incident. Few had been bad enough for Jim to come seek out Bones in the middle of the night, he could only remember three. Two of which had been about the warp core. But he still knew Jim's habit of getting them. He had shared a room with him in the Academy, afterall.

He turned his head to find his best friend. Jim was a couple of beds over, laying on his side with his back to Bones. Bones watched the outline of his side rise and fall with his breathing, almost snorting when Jim let out a particularly loud snore. He turned his head back to the ceiling, letting the smallest shred of a smile curve his lips. He was terrified of the meeting he and Jim were to have when they returned to Earth, but at least he had the snoring moron. Jim could get Bones through anything, and Bones was well aware of that. He done that much already. Bones was willing to admit that he had been a mess when he met Jim Kirk. Granted, he was still a bit of a mess, but without Jim he wasn't confident that he could've gotten this far. Jim forced Bones to do stupid shit that only Jim Kirk could think up. As unwilling as he was to accept it, he had loved it. It had helped, as stupid as it was. Sometimes it was as simple as Jim getting both of them drunk beyond belief and listening to what Bones had to say, nodding his head along with whatever Bones was saying. Bones knew he was listening, and that was what mattered. When it came to Jim, things really were that simple.

Bones was thinking about actually letting himself sleep when he heard Jim shift. He didn't think much about it, Jim was a restless sleeper. It wasn't until he heard Jim thrashing against his blankets that he got worried. He forced himself to his side, facing Jim. Sure enough, he could see Jim's arms and legs swinging wildly under the blankets. "Jim! Jim, wake up, kid." Usually that was enough. Usually Jim would wake at Bones calling for him, mutter a thanks, and then decide on whether or not he would go back to sleep. But this time, Jim flung himself upright, his eyes wide and his breathing rapid. "Jim?" Jim only had to turn to look at him and Bones could see it. The bastard was having a panic attack. "Bo-ones," he whined, the word catching his throat.

"Fuck. Computer, lights 100% !" The lights came on full force, hurting Bones' eyes, and probably Jim's as well. Bones forced himself into a sitting position, listening to Jim's rapid and choppy breathing as he tried to hold back the tears Bones knew were coming. "Don't hold back, kid, let it go." Bones stood unsteadily, using his bed as support. He tried not to listen to Jim as he forced his legs to work, walking hunched over like an old man to one of the cabinets. He yanked a door open, searching rapidly. Jim whined again, forcing Bones' name through the sobs. "Hang on Jim, I'm coming." He grabbed the hypo he was looking for, and made his way to Jim. Jim was holding his head in his hands, trying to control himself despite Bones telling him otherwise. His vitals were going nuts, enough so that it was wonder one of the nurses hadn't shown up. But Bones knew no matter who showed up, it would probably make things worse, so he took it as a small blessing. Jim was out of it enough that he didn't even notice the hypo in Bones' hands, only tensing for a moment as Bones gave it to him. "It's just going to help you calm down, Jim. It's not a sedative, I promise." Bones was well aware of how much Jim hated the way sedatives made him feel, and wasn't about to give him one.

Instead, he gently pushed on Jim's arm until the man scooted over, and sat next to him. The bed was cramped, but Bones was sure neither of them actually cared. He said nothing, wrapping his arms around Jim and letting the man bury his face into his shoulder, despite the wave of pain it caused. Jim gripped the gown Bones had on like a lifeline. He could feel Jim's body shaking in his arms, and desperately tried to think of a way to make Jim calm down faster. When he found something, he almost wanted to slap himself for not thinking of it sooner. Jim was starting to calm down, but Bones knew he still needed a little extra help. So he reminded Jim of something that was like a dream of his: Get Spock drunk off of his ass. Jim had been determined to do so for a while now, but Spock never fell for it, never even so much as picking up a drink. In an effort to calm him down, Bones reminded Jim of this goal, and that they could try again as soon as all of this was over. And yes, they, for once Bones was willing to participate in the effort. Jim's grip slowly loosened from Bones' gown, and his breathing slowed back to normal. He didn't make an effort to leave Bones' hold for another few minutes after, however.

Jim leaned back from Bones' embrace, and Bones released his hold on him, keeping one arm draped around his shoulders. "You okay, Jim?" Jim nodded, using his good hand to wipe his eyes. "Thanks, Bones." Bones nodded, and started to swing his legs over the side of the bed, planning on returning to his own bed. "Will you, uh, will you stay here?" Bones turned to face Jim at the request. Jim looked ever so slightly embarrassed, but a shred of pleading still came through his eyes. "Yeah, I'll stay," Bones replied, pulling his legs back on the bed. Jim mumbled another thanks, and settled back against the bed. Bones settled next to him, and leaned his head to look at the ceiling again. Jim closed his eyes, his head leaning towards Bones' shoulder. "Computer, lights 10%," Jim yawned as the lights dimmed, and Bones let his eyes slide shut, slowly letting sleep take hold.

….

 **Kirk**

When Jim woke up, Bones was still asleep. He had put an arm back around Jim at some point in the night, and Jim had settled himself against his shoulder. They probably looked pathetic as hell, but Jim wasn't about to move and wake Bones. Besides, he was actually kind of comfortable. Apparently Bones was comfortable as well, given the fact that nine times out of ten, he was up before Jim. The position was apparently comfortable enough that Bones was still sleeping despite the fact that it was most likely well into the morning, given the medical staff filling the medbay, and the lights being on full force. If it were any other day, Bones would most likely be pissed at himself for waking up so late. But Jim had a feeling that he really wouldn't mind much today.

Jim was about to ask one of the nurses how close they were to Earth, dreading what was to come, when Sulu walked into the medbay. He snorted when he saw the state of Jim and Bones, a grin across his face. "Well don't you two look straighter than arrows," he said, plopping himself into the chair next to Jim's bed. Jim rolled his eyes, feeling Bones shift. Jim let Sulu know what he thought with a hand signal. Sulu laughed, and when Jim looked to Bones, he just looked confused, still half asleep. "The hell was that for?" he asked groggily. Sulu laughed again, and Jim couldn't help but smile. "I'll tell you later, Bones."

Bones rolled his eyes but nodded, proceeding to rub his eyes. Jim looked back to Sulu. "How close are we?"

"About another hour, Captain."

Jim nodded, suppressing the fear running through him. "And they're gonna want us as soon as we get down there?"

"Most likely, yes. They want you guys there as soon as possible."

Jim could feel Bones becoming tense against him. In a way, it was relieving to know that Jim wasn't the only one terrified out of his mind. He took the moment of silence that settled over them to change the subject. "Are your husband and daughter on planet?" A grin widened across Sulu's face. "Yeah, actually. They're meeting me in San Francisco." Jim could tell how excited Sulu was, and took comfort in the fact that this trip wouldn't be _completely_ awful. "You know," Sulu continued, "if you guys feel up to it after, you could come to dinner with us or something like that." Jim was relieved by the offer of an almost immediate distraction after the meeting. He look to Bones, who for once in his life was letting a smile on his face. "Sounds great, Sulu," Jim could hear in Bones' voice that he was just as relieved for the distraction.

"Good. Sounds like a plan then," Sulu stood again, stretching as he did so. "I have to get back to the bridge, figured I'd use my break to check on you guys." Sulu had used his break on them? At least a few minutes of it anyway. Jim was well aware that Sulu usually used his breaks to talk to his family and check up on them. He figured Sulu had done so before coming in here, but that was still a few minutes he could have spent with his family. Had the rest of the crew been using their breaks too? They had to have been. How could he not have realized that sooner? Did they really care that much about he and Bones? They had better things to do on their breaks than sit in the medbay. Jim was well aware of that, Bones probably was too. He glanced at Bones, but couldn't tell what he was thinking, he was simply watching Sulu. Jim looked back to Sulu. "Thank you, Sulu," he said. Sulu looked confused. "For what?"

"Using your break on us, inviting us to a dinner you'd probably rather have alone with your family. Just… Thanks."

"You're my friends, Jim. The hell am I supposed to do? But you're welcome." Sulu waved briefly as he turned and walked from the room. Jim looked back to Bones, still somewhat in shock. Bones seemed to be having a similar reaction. "I didn't realize how much they cared before," Jim stated. "Neither did I. I knew but…. Shit."

 **A/N:** I know there wasn't a lot of plot development in this chapter, but I wanted to give Jim and Bones a little time together before they had to go through more shit. I also wanted to give more insight into their relationship, and briefly their relationship with the other crew members. I really enjoyed writing this chapter despite the lack of action, and I hope you guys love it too. I also want to give a special shoutout to Neelloc12 who's been reviewing every chapter lately. I really appreciate the feedback, from the rest of you too! Remember to review, follow, or favorite so I can know how things are going!


	11. Brother

" _Brother let me be your shelter_

 _Never leave you all alone"_

 **Bones**

Jim, to put it lightly, was freaking out. He was leaning heavily on one of the sinks in the bathroom, breathing hard and rapid. Bones watched him, unsure of what to do. To be perfectly honest, Bones was on the edge of freaking out himself, but right now he was forcing himself to worry about Jim. Spock had just informed them that they would have to give their versions of what had happened alone. Totally and utterly alone. Apparently the officials didn't want them to be influenced by anything, so no one who knew anything about the mission and what had happened could be in the room. Bones and Jim couldn't be with each other, no Spock, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty… no anybody. Just whichever one of them was giving what they had to say and however many officials were present. He and Jim had been both been scared out of their minds before now, and this information had just sent them both over the edge. Jim had left immediately towards the bathroom (as quickly as he could go with two bad knees and sporting a cane that he already hated) and Bones followed. Spock had begun to, but Bones waved him off, unsure of what exactly was going on quite yet.

"Jim-"

"Bones, I can't! I can't do that alone!"

"We're going to have to, Jim."

"If I freak out in there, they're going to take the _Enterprise_!"

Bones sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. He couldn't deny that fact. If either of them were found to be "emotionally compromised", they could lose their positions until proven otherwise. He was well aware that losing the chair (again) was one of Jim's fears. Apparently right now, it was the biggest one. He was at a loss of how to comfort Jim. He was right, and they both knew it. Bones was afraid of the same thing. He trusted his medical team in the same way Jim trusted Spock and everyone else on the bridge, but that didn't mean that either of them wanted them to operate without them there. At least if they went in there with each other, they would have something else to focus on besides the hell they were reliving. But that comfort was being ripped away.

Jim suddenly started letting out long strings of curse words. Nothing made any sense as it left his mouth, it was simply whatever combination of curses Jim could think of. Bones wasn't caught off guard until Jim seemed to start doing the same thing in another language. "Jim, are you cussing in _Vulcan_?" Neither of them had heard Spock enter the bathroom, but he gave Bones his answer. "Affirmative, Doctor. The Captain's curiosity was beginning to get out of hand, so I simply taught him how." Bones turned to look at him. "I didn't know you people cursed."

"It is a rare occasion, but yes." Spock turned his attention to Jim, who had seemed to run out of curses and was standing quietly besides his heavy breathing. "Captain, they've begun asking for you. I think it would be best for you to attend as soon as possible." Jim nodded slowly, already putting more effort into collecting himself. Bones could already tell he was putting himself into his "Captain Kirk" mode. "I'll be just outside the doors the whole time, Jim," Bones said. Jim nodded again, standing up straight and grabbing his cane from where he left it against the wall. He looked to Spock, his Captain mode now fully operational. "Let's do this, then," he said. Spock walked to Jim, offering an arm for extra assistance. Jim turned him down, shaking his head. "I've got it, Spock." Bones didn't make any move to leave as he watched Jim and Spock slowly make their way from the bathroom. He wanted to be able to follow Jim, but he knew that someone would probably stop both he and Spock at the doors. For whatever reason, he didn't want to watch Jim walk in there alone. It didn't make any sense to him, but yet it was what was anchoring him to the bathroom floor.

He wasn't aware of how much time had passed when Sulu walked in. It had surely been long enough that Jim would be in the meeting, and yet Bones still couldn't force himself to move. His feet hadn't moved an inch since Spock and Jim left. He just couldn't. Sulu came and leaned on the wall next to him, picking up on it. Neither of them said anything for a long moment. Sulu broke the silence, glancing sideways at Bones. "You know, McCoy, there's a little girl out the lobby in the need of a new tic-tac-toe opponent." Sulu was offering a distraction yet again. He had brought his family here? Why wasn't he out spending time with them? Bones told him so. "You should be spending time with them, Sulu. Not waiting here for Jim and I."

"Yeah, well, here we are. Besides, my daughter's pretty excited to be spending some time with the great Captain Kirk." Sulu let a small smile onto his face. Bones allowed himself to do the same, rolling his eyes. "God, don't tell Jim that, it'll go straight to his head." Sulu laughed, nodding. "Yeah, you're probably right. I am serious about that tic-tac-toe game, though. According to her, I'm awful."

….

 **Kirk**

The room felt bigger than it ever had before. Jim had been in this conference room probably half a dozen times, by all means he should have been used to it, but at the moment it felt terrifying. Six pairs of eyes were staring at him from across the circle the tables made. Jim could feel his pulse in his head as he did his best to maintain his Captain like composure. He wasn't afraid of these people or this room, more so what would happen and what he was speaking of. Bones was the only other person that knew exactly what had happened, and even then he didn't know everything. One of the women in the room was the one that was asking questions, her eyes never leaving Jim. Honestly, it was getting a little unnerving. More unnerving was the fact that they were approaching matters no one but Jim knew about. He wasn't positive that he wanted anyone to know, but here he was being forced to spit it out in front of six people he barely knew.

"And what happened then, Captain Kirk?"

"The Klingons came back in. Five of them. The one that spoke English wasn't with them. Three stayed by the door, the other two approached us. They grabbed Doctor McCoy. I tried to fight back, but somewhere in the struggle, one of them knocked me out."

"And when you awoke, was Doctor McCoy there?"

"No, ma'am. Just the Klingons."

Jim had to describe, in detail, what occurred thereafter. He had to constantly remind himself silently that he wasn't there anymore. Every time he spoke of something, a vivid image of his played in the back of his mind. He desperately wanted someone next to him, preferably Spock or Bones. But according to the people questioning him, he couldn't even have that much. When he spoke of trying to get the Klingons away from Bones, when they had pulled the stunt with the speakers, he thought he say a flash of pity cross the eyes of the woman questioning him. He didn't want pity, damn it. The only thing he wanted was to get out of here and to get home to his ship.

They were on when Jim and Bones were reunited now. Jim dreaded talking about this the most. If anything could make him lose his job (besides being found as emotionally compromised), it was this.

"They gave you the choice between saving Doctor McCoy and giving up information about the Federation?"

"Yes ma'am."

"What did you decide, Captain Kirk?" Jim feel all of their eyes on him. He could feel the sweat on his temples.

"I told them I was willing to give them information." All six of them glanced at each other as Jim took a deep breath. "I never intended on giving them true information, I was just hoping to buy time for myself and Doctor McCoy. There was, of course, no guarantee that they would let us go if we gave them information, so I wasn't going to risk giving them any."

"Very well. Thank you, Captain Kirk. The rest of your encounter has been documented by Commander Spock. You and your crew have been allotted two weeks of shore leave. Will that suffice?"

"Yes ma'am. Thank you."

"Can you send in Doctor McCoy behind you, Captain?"

"Yes, I can. Ma'am?"

"Yes, Captain?"

"I believe the Klingons that attacked us may have been acting of their own accord. They lost a dozen officers and they're yet to declare war. I think, if this is true, that it would be unwise of the Federation to declare war on the Klingons."

"Thank you, Captain, we'll take that into consideration."

Jim nodded and turned, leaving the room as quickly as his knees would allow him to. He wasn't surprised to see Sulu when he walked back to the lobby. He was, however, surprised to see Spock and Bones both coloring with his daughter. Spock, Bones, and Sulu's daughter, Demora, were sat in a little triangle on the floor, huddled over a coloring book. He was most surprised by Spock's participation. Honestly, he didn't even know Spock knew how to interact with kids. Sulu was the first to notice Jim's presence. He lifted his head from Ben's shoulder and looked to Jim. "Hey, Jim. You alright?" Obviously Jim looked as awful as he felt. Bones' head shot up from the coloring book, almost colliding with Spock's. He stood just as quickly, using Spock's shoulder to push himself up.

"Jim?" he asked, stepping carefully around Demora, who was now watching curiously along with Spock. Jim started towards him, and they ended up meeting halfway. Jim couldn't help but fling his arms around his friend. Bones stumbled, caught off guard, but hugged Jim back. "That bad?" he mumbled into Jim's ear. Jim nodded silently. Not that he was about to tell Bones, but how close he had come to losing the best friend he had ever had hit him like a freight train. He couldn't let it show during the meeting, but now he was here, and Captain mode was off. He had understood to an extent when they were still with the Klingons, but now it was setting in the rest of the way. And Jesus, it hurt.

"Jim… I have to go. We can talk after." Bones muttered, though not releasing his grip on Jim. Jim nodded again, releasing his hold on Bones. Bones let his arms drop and backed away from Jim, holding eye contact for a moment until he began to walk away. He glanced back to Jim once, smiling a smile Jim could tell was forced. He sighed heavily, finally looking at Sulu and his family and Spock. Demora was the first to speak. "Hello, Captain Kirk!" she beamed widely, her grin almost identical to Sulu's. Jim couldn't help but breathe a small chuckle. "Hey, Demora. What are you and Mr. Spock working on?"

"Miss Demora has found quite the coloring page with an assortment of flowers," Spock answered. Jude grinned again, nodding excitedly.

"Mind if I join?"

Demora, of course, agreed happily. Jim claimed the spot on the floor that had formerly belonged to Bones with some help from Spock. Demora offered him some crayons, which he accepted, and promptly got to work on the coloring page. Spock surprised Jim again by carrying on a conversation with Demora, on which they both seemed to enjoy. Apparently, they both had a thing for flowers. Jim glanced over his shoulder at Sulu and Ben. Sulu had leaned his head back onto Ben's shoulder, watching the trio contently. Jim could tell he was exhausted, but he knew Sulu wouldn't allow himself some sleep now. Ben gave a small wave to Jim with the hand that wasn't intertwined with Sulu's. Jim nodded in return before turning back to the coloring book, happy for the distraction in the form of a five-year-old and a Vulcan.


	12. Count On Me

" _If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,_

 _I'll sail the world to find you_

 _If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see_

 _I'll be the light to guide you"_

 **Bones**

"You lied to them, Jim!" Bones said harshly, slamming Jim's front door behind him."And you agreed, so that means you did too," Jim replied, heading towards his bathroom.

"God dammit, Jim, that's besides the point! You were fully prepared to sell out the Federation for me and we both know it!"

"Oh and you think I was in a mindset that I could make perfectly logical decisions?" Jim said, finally getting frustrated and turning to face Bones.

"Of course not, neither of us were! But you still did it!"

"They didn't get the information so what's the big deal, Bones?!"

"The big deal is that you were ready to sacrifice thousands of lives for me, Jim!"

"But I didn't! Let it go, for fuck's sake!"

"You were perfectly willing to sacrifice yourself to save a couple hundred and yet you can't sacrifice me for thousands, I don't see what the differen-"

"It's different because it's you, Bones! What the hell do you think I was thinking about in the warp core?! How fun it would be to die?! I was thinking about you, you fuckwad! You, and Spock, and Sulu, and Scotty. Chekov for Christ's sake, he's just a kid! All of you deserved a life so yes, I went in the damn core. I wasn't willing to sacrifice you, Bones. I couldn't handle you dying because of me, okay? I just couldn't. I don't know what else to tell you."

Guilt radiated through Bones as he and Jim stood staring at each other. He had trouble thinking about what had been going through Jim's mind before now. He realized he had asked his best friend why he wasn't willing to watch him die. What kind of question was that? He hadn't asked it word for word, but he might as well have. He had seen Jim dead, in a body bag. He wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, let alone Jim. Jim had been through enough, Bones was well aware of that, and Bones had asked him why he hadn't gone through more. He felt like shit.

"Jim…. I'm sorry."

Jim's shoulders relaxed and his head dropped. "It's okay. So am I."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. I just…. Didn't understand."

Jim nodded. "'I'm gonna go shower. You can go to your apartment, if you want. I'll be okay." Bones looked at him skeptically. "Can you even stand in the shower by yourself?" Jim was still allowing his cane to hold up most of his weight, frequently shifting from foot to foot, probably in an effort to find comfort. "I can just sit or something, I'll be okay, Bones."

"Fine. But I'm staying here, okay? Just in case. We can run to my apartment after."

Jim sighed and nodded, turning back towards the bathroom. Bones made himself at home, settling into Jim's arm chair. Both he and Jim's apartments were Starfleet issued. They weren't the nicest places in the world, but given that they were usually off planet, it didn't really matter much. All of the Starfleet issued apartments were more or less identical, and most of the people that lived in them didn't have a good enough reason to buy a house or apartment of their own. Bones and Jim fell into that category. Bones, of course, had lost everything to his wife, and Jim dropping about everything when he joined Starfleet. If they really wanted somewhere more than home like than the apartments, they went to Georgia to Bones' mother's. Something he was silently hoping they would do during their two week leave. Almost as if on command, Jim's voice came from the bathroom over the sound of the now running shower.

"Hey Bones, what's your mom doing?" Bones let himself chuckle at Jim's version of asking if they could go. Jim had gone with Bones a few times to Georgia. He loved Bones' mother, and she loved him. Bones wouldn't be surprised if Georgia was the closest thing Jim considered to be home next to the _Enterprise_.

"I don't know, do you want me to call her?"

"Hell yeah, I need some apple pie!"

Bones smiled, shaking his head. The only thing Jim loved more about Georgia than Elena McCoy was her apple pie. He leaned over and grabbed Jim's spare PADD off of the side table. All of the Starfleet apartments had a PADD meant for more domestic purposes like calls. This was easier than getting up and finding wherever Jim left his communicator, and he was sure his mother would take more comfort in being able to see him. He prepped himself for the worrying mother that was sure to appear on the screen and called her. He would love to say he was surprised by how quickly she answered, but given that "Starfleet" had most likely appeared on her screen, he really wasn't. "Leonard! Oh my look at you…"

"Mama, I'm okay, I promise."

"Leonard you are not! Look at your eye!" The swelling in Bones' black eye had gone down enough that he could open it, but it was still a deep shade of purple. "Someone on your ship called me and told me that you and James had been abducted, and then James called me and told me they were keeping you in a coma and-"

"Mama! I'm alright. So is Jim. He called you?"

"Yes! The day after someone from your ship called! He looked awful too, poor thing…"

"He's okay, Mama. We have a couple weeks of shore leave and wanted to know if we could-"

"Of course you can come, Leonard! When will you be here?"

Bones chuckled shaking his head. "Mama, I don't know! I'll ask Jim once he gets out of the shower. He wants apple pie, of course."

His mother smiled. "Of course, tell him I'll start one."

"I will. I have to go, but I'll call you later, okay?"

"Keep out of trouble, please Leonard? I love you."

"I will. I love you too. Mama."

As he hung up, Jim's voice came from the bathroom. "Am I getting apple pie?!"

"Yes!"

"Fuck yeah!"

…

 **Kirk**

Jim looked at Bones skeptically as they stood outside the restaurant. "Bones, what did you do?"

"Nothing! Well nothing bad anyway… I'm just saying it's not what you're expecting."

Jim stared at his best friend, confused. They were supposed to be meeting Sulu and his family for dinner before they went their separate ways for the next couple of weeks. Jim and Bones were of course going to Georgia. Sulu and his family were staying in California, apparently going to visit Ben's parents in Half Moon Bay. Jim had no idea what the rest of the crew was going, he had barely spoken to them other than to notify them of the two week shore leave.

"What are you two doing standing out here?" Sulu asked, coming through the door of the restaurant. "We have a table and everything, just waiting on you." Jim turned his attention to Sulu. "Sorry, we're coming. I think Bones is trying to give me a heart attack first." Bones rolled his eyes while Sulu laughed. "Well have your heart attack later, I'm hungry."

Jim knew what Bones had been talking about as soon as they walked through the door. Honestly, he was a little surprised that he hadn't seen it from outside. There a large table in the middle of the room was the crew. Not all of them, of course, but the ones Jim was especially close with. Ben and Demora were there, along with three empty seats for Sulu, Jim, and Bones. Jim couldn't help but smile as he looked around the table. Scotty, Spock, Uhura, Chekov.. They were all there, and all waved at the trio as they walked inside. Jim's smile grew at the sight of Demora on Chekov's lap. Her wave was by far the most enthusiastic, and Jim heard Bones chuckle next to him. "See, I told you you'd like it," Bones said, putting a hand on Jim's shoulder. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," Jim responded, waving a hand dismissively at Bones.

If he was being perfectly honest, it ended up being the best night Jim had had in awhile. The crew didn't have many nights like this on the _Enterprise_ , and Jim was glad to have one now. He knew he needed it, and he was positive Bones did too. Between Demora switching laps frequently and the constant joking between the crew (and hell, even Ben), Jim didn't have time to think about the meeting or the Klingons. Demora stuck with sitting on Chekov's lap the most, but would occasionally move to Spock or Bones. She sat with every member of the crew at some point, but her obvious favorite was Chekov. Jim supposed that's what being her godfather got you.

Jim was a little disappointed when the dinner ended. It was hard not to be. But Demora had fallen asleep on Spock's lap, and Sulu was obviously crashing himself, leaning heavily onto Ben and yawning frequently. The decided collectively to end the outing, promising to do it again. Jim hoped it would be sometime soon. They were all standing outside now, slowly dispersing. Ben had offered to take Demora from Spock, but Spock had declined, declaring himself perfectly able to carry Demora to Sulu and Ben's hovercar. Jim, being the smartass he was, offered to carry Sulu. Sulu responded with his middle finger, yawning yet again. They all laughed, though now trying to be quiet for Demora's sake. It was then they all began to leave. Scotty left first, planning on returning to the _Enterprise_ to do some maintenance while he had the time. Chekov followed suit, being sure to give Demora a quick peck on the forehead before saying his goodbyes and heading out. Everyone kept leaving until only Spock, Jim, and Bones were left.

"What do you intend to do on shore leave, Captain?" Spock asked.

"I'm gonna head to Georgia with Bones. I need some pie," Jim grinned widely. Bones nodded in a agreement, a small smile finding his face. Spock nodded before speaking again. "Should either of you need anything, I assure you I will always be willing to assist."

"Of course, Spock. Thanks."

Jim and Bones left then, returning to their respective apartments. Jim wasn't looking forward to a night alone, but the knowledge that he'd have a whole two weeks with Bones in Georgia acted as a comfort. They had agreed to leave in the morning, so Jim just had to get over being alone until then. It really shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but Jim had constantly had Bones somewhere close the past few days. He hadn't begun to really process what had happened, despite the meeting, and had a feeling the fact of him being alone tonight would force him to. For a minute or two, he considered just going to Bones' apartment. He knew Bones would most likely let him in, invited or not, but he leaves it be. Bones hadn't invited him to start with, so he would just suffer through it. After all he only had to wait, what, twelve hours maybe?

He tried to sleep at first. But the sleep wouldn't come, even as much as Jim willed it to. So instead he ended up on his couch wrapped in a blanket, and holding his cup of coffee in his good hand. He watched a movie to kill the time, but he didn't even really pay attention to it. He didn't even drink his coffee, instead letting it grow cold in his hand. Somewhere around two in the morning, Bones called, apparently having the same problem. He asked how fast Jim could get his stuff together and get over there. Jim couldn't hide his relief as he told Bones he had been ready for an hour.


	13. Shatter Me

" _Somebody make me feel alive_

 _And shatter me"_

 **Bones**

They were getting close to his mother's. Bones couldn't be more relived. Georgia was home, and no matter the reason he was there, he always felt that familiar comfort. The sun was setting in the windshield of the hover car, and in Bones' opinion, there wasn't a better sunset than a Georgia sunset. Jim seemed to agree, leaning forward in his seat to see better. They had driven all night, all day, and now were edging towards night again. It probably wasn't the healthiest thing in the world, but seeing how neither of them were doing the best in the sleep department, they took advantage of it. Jim had only driven briefly before Bones offered to drive again. Jim was a horrendous driver on anything that wasn't a bike, and Bones could tell it was hurting his knee. Jim, of course, refused at first, but gave in after about an hour. So Bones had driven most of the somewhere close to thirty hour drive. His entire body was starting to ache, but given how close they were now, he wasn't stopping.

"How much longer, Bones?"

"Twenty minutes, if that."

Jim groaned, making Bones chuckle. "Your pie isn't going anywhere, Jim."

"But I want it _now_ , Bones!"

Bones rolled his eyes and shook his head, though still smiling. Jim wasn't forgetting that damn pie any time soon. Not only that, but Jim was getting antsy from being in the car for so long, that was simply an obvious fact. He shifted constantly, dug in the snack bag despite never actually getting anything out, and changed the radio stations about every five minutes. But Bones was used to this, and tried to keep his attention. That was a task easier said than done, as Jim Kirk had the tendency to have an attention span shorter than a goldfish.

"You know, you still haven't told me what happened to your hand."

Jim paused, his hand hovering hovering over the radio. Bones glanced at him, but couldn't see his face, as Jim had turned back toward the windshield. Jim muted the radio and let his hand fall slowly to the center console.

"Jim?"

"This is going to sound pathetic as hell."

"Jim, nothing that happened in there is pathetic."

Jim shifted, but the shift was different this time, more from lack of comfort than just being restless. "I was trying to get them away from you, Bones."

"What are you talking about? When?" Bones could only recall Jim getting knocked out while trying to protest the Klingons separating them. He glanced at Jim again, and saw that he was biting his lip, staring through the windshield, though no longer at the sunset.

"After they separated us, they came back with that fucking whip." Jim snorted harshly. "That's how they got me to come to, actually. Hit me with the butt of it." Bones remained silent, letting Jim talk. Maybe he shouldn't have asked. "Anyway, once they were done with me, they went to you." Bones opened his mouth to ask how he knew, but Jim answered his question before he could even ask it. "They did something with speakers or some shit, I don't know, but I could hear you, Bones. While they were…" he trailed off. He didn't need to finish the sentence, Bones knew what he was talking about, despite not wanting to think about it. "I panicked, I guess, I don't know. But I started banging on the door and screaming. For them, for you, anything. That's why my voice was so dead. They didn't come of course, but I didn't realize how useless it was until, well, this." Jim finished, holding up his bandaged hand.

Bones was silent. He didn't know what to say. Hell, what _do_ you say to something like that? Bones had tried, at the time, to take comfort in Jim not being there. That now was being proven to be a false hope. Jim might as well have been there if that was the case. Half of him wanted to stop the car right there in the middle of the road, hug Jim and refuse to let go. But he didn't, instead trying to stay focused on his driving. What else had gone on in there that Jim hadn't told him? He was curious, but he wasn't about to ask. Accidently pushing this topic of conversation had most likely been enough for both of them. So they sat in silence the rest of the ride, Jim no longer even fidgeting in his seat.

When they pulled into Elena McCoy's driveway, she was standing on the porch waiting for them. The second their doors opened, she was on her way down the steps. She embraced Bones first, asking several times if he was absolutely _positive_ that he was fine. He reassured her several times, not that it did much. She turned her attention to Jim next. Normally, Jim had a habit of taking advantage of the small stature of Bones' mother, and picked her up in his embrace. This time though, he could barely keep himself steady without her help. "Oh James…. Look at you two!" she pulled away from Jim, and even in the dying light Bones could see tears sparkling in her eyes. His mother was a smart woman, she could probably see right through every "I'm fine, Mama," that Bones could muster. She could see the exhaustion in both of their eyes, and not just the physical kind either. She knew. Bones couldn't change that, even as much as he wanted to. He could just be thankful she didn't know every single detail of what had happened. He wasn't about to tell her either.

They walked inside, Jim having to take Bones' arm to get up the few steps onto the porch. When Jim saw Elena watching, he grinned at her and asked about the status of his pie. She laughed, and informed him that it was waiting for him on the counter. Bones was hoping he'd get at least a piece, but given Jim's minimal eating on the drive there, he had a feeling he wouldn't be getting much. But he was home, and that's what mattered the most. And as he released Jim and watched him go in with his mother, he had a feeling Jim was home too. He let Jim and his mother go in by themselves, waving Jim off when he turned to see if he was coming. Jim looked at him strange, but continued anyway. Bones walked to the edge of the porch and crossed his arms over his chest, looking out across the yard. He had grown up running across that yard, sitting on this porch. Here was safe. Here was home. Yet he couldn't shake the lingering fear and paranoia that he'd had since the moment he had woken up in the medbay. He couldn't get any safer and more secure than this house, and yet here he was, fearing what would happen the moment he turned his back.

….

 **Kirk**

Jim ate two slices of pie, and had to internally talk himself out of a third. He, Elena, and Bones were sat around the kitchen table. Jim was of course feasting on pie, Bones had had a piece as well before opting to instead drink all the sweet tea his body could handle. It ended up being more relaxed than Jim had expected, in fact being close to the dinner they had had with the senior crew before leaving. They didn't talk about what had happened, their injuries, anything. Bones and Jim simply caught Elena up on everything that didn't involve torturous Klingons. She sat and listened with a small smile, one that would widen when Jim and Bones would begin to bicker during a story over what had _actually_ happened. Jim had a habit of over exaggerating, he would be honest about that, but he wasn't losing an argument with Bones, damn it. He loved Bones, but he loved annoying the shit out of him more. It was a good hobby.

Elena went to bed first, somewhere around eleven. She gave them both a peck on the cheek before heading to her room upstairs, leaving Jim and Bones alone. They sat in silence for a few minutes. It was a content silence, though, not like the one in the car. Bones swished the little bit of tea left in his glass around, and Jim got up to put his plate in the sink.

"Are you going to ask to see Joanna?" he knew Bones had heard him, even over the sound of water running into the sink as he opted to wash his plate. Yet the older man remained silent. "Bones."

"I don't know, Jim."

"Bones, she's your _kid_."

"I know but I haven't seen her in so long…"

Jim sighed, turning off the faucet. He knew Bones felt guilty about rarely seeing Joanna the past few years. But also knew Bones would feel worse the longer he waited.

"I'll ask if you don't, asshole."

That got a small chuckle from Bones. "Fine, Jim." Jim smiled as he as he sat back down at the table. "Good, cause that kid's infinitely more tolerable than you."

"If this cup wasn't glass, I'd throw it at you."

They sat at the table for another half an hour or so, occasionally having an actual conversation, but usually bickering over something stupid. Jim gave up on putting off sleep first, standing to go to bed. He said goodnight to Bones, and started to walk off.

"Hey, Jim?"

Jim turned to face Bones again, who was now standing. Bones said nothing, instead walking to Jim and simply hugging him. Bones wasn't typically the more affectionate out of the two of them, so Jim was caught slightly off guard, but of course accepted the hug anyway.

"What's this for?" Jim mumbled into his shoulder.

"Because I want to, you bastard."

Jim didn't question it.

…..

 **Bones**

His hands were covered in blood. Thick, deep red blood. Normally, being a doctor, he wouldn't think much of it. But this time, he wasn't in surgery, or in the medbay. This time, he was in the absolute middle of nowhere with Jim Kirk. Who just so happened to be dying under Bones' hands. He was trying to keep a level head. As a doctor, that was his job. Stay calm so you don't screw up and so the patient stays calm. But Bones didn't have any medical supplies, the _Enterprise_ wasn't answering his comms, and Jim Kirk was dying. Jim was dying. His best friend was dying and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

He ignored the pound of his pulse in his temples, and the hot tears running down his cheeks, pushing down harder on the wound in Jim's stomach. Jim let out a weak cry of pain. "I know, Jim, I know. I'm trying, okay? Okay? You're gonna be fine, just fine." But that was a lie. Jim's gold shirt was stained red with his blood, the same blood that was seeping through the gaps between Bones' fingers. Bones knew it was a lie, and Jim knew it too. "Bones," he said weakly. "Jim, god damn it, shut up! You can tell me later!" he ignored his brain screaming that that may be the last time that he would hear Jim call him Bones. He stared at his hands as one of Jim's hands came and laid itself on top. "Bones," he said again. Bones forced himself to look at Jim's face. Blood covered his lips now too, and ran down onto his chin. "I'm scared," he said simply, a single tear running from his eye. His hand gripped Bones' wrist. "Damn it, Jim, you're gonna-" he stopped as a sob wracked his body, "you're gonna be fine. I'm gonna get you out of here, okay?"

But the light in Jim's eyes, the spark that always seemed to be there was fading fast, and Jim grip on Bones' wrist was becoming looser by the second. "Jim! Jim you have to stay with me! You have to stay awake, okay?!" But by the time he finished the sentence, Jim's hand had gone limp, his chest still, the spark from his eyes gone. "Jim? Damn it, Jim! Please!" he pulled his hands from Jim's stomach, intending on doing CPR. But he couldn't get past the blood on his hands. Jim's blood. Jim was dead, and Bones was covered in his blood. He collapsed backwards into the sand, his back landing with a hard _thud_.

…..

Bones flew upright in his bed, the sweat on his forehead making his hair stick. His breath kept catching in his throat, coming out broken and ragged. He disregarded it, and threw the tangled blankets from his lap, and stumbled from his bed. He had to find Jim, and he had to find him now. He stumbled from the room, still half asleep, and found his way down the hall. At the stairs, he was briefly afraid that he would tumble down them. But he stayed up, somehow, and made it down with only stumbling a couple of times. Jim was supposed to be on the couch, having decided against more stairs. Bones could see the couch from the bottom of the stairs, and his chest pounded at the sight of the blond tuft of hair poking up over the armrest.

He approached the couch, almost afraid at what he would find. He was realizing now that he had just been dreaming, but that dream becoming a reality was causing fear to bloom in his chest. But when he stepped around the side of the couch, Jim was simply asleep. No blood, no gaping wound in his stomach. Just the bruises and cuts left over from the Klingons. He didn't have to look at Jim's chest to see if he was breathing, because Jim was beginning to snore again. Bones sighed quietly in relief, though fear was still constricting his chest. He tried not to pay attention to it, turning back around and heading up the stairs. He had intended on simply going back to bed and trying to forget the whole thing had ever happened, but his mother's door opened and she stepped out into the hall.

"Leonard? Is that you?"

"Yeah, Mama, it's just me." Bones was betrayed by the cracking in his voice. It was only then that he realized he'd been crying outside the dream too.

"What's wrong, baby?" They walked towards each other, the light dripping in from the window at the end of the hall just enough for them to be able to see each other's faces. He _wanted_ to tell her he was fine. Wanted to. But instead, the second he met her gaze, his bottom lip began to quiver full force, and a pathetic noise made its way from his throat. "Oh, Leonard.." His mother took his arm and gently pulled him into her room, shutting the door behind them. Bones collapsed into a flood of tears right there in the middle of the floor. He dropped to sit, unable to keep himself upright. His mother was there in seconds, her arms around him, one hand smoothing his hair.

She didn't ask, not at first. They simply say on the floor, Bones emptying his tears and sobs onto her shoulder. He felt like a child, he was certainly crying like one. But that couldn't matter right now. His mother didn't question his total and utter breakdown until he was beginning to calm down again. "What happened, Leonard?"

"Jim-Jim was dead, Mama."

"Baby, he's right down there on the couch. I know you went and saw him."

Bones knew that. He knew Jim was alive, snoring the night away on the couch. But Jim _had_ been dead, even outside of Bones' dream. The self-sacrificing bastard had gone into the warp core and killed himself with the radiation. Bones had seen him dead, seen him under the cold plastic of a body bag. Jim was fine now, but Jim was Jim. He'd probably do something stupid again, and Bones would be alone. He didn't want to be without Jim Kirk, no matter how idiotic the man was. It wasn't until his mother started talking again that he realized he had said all of that out loud.

"You're not losing him tonight, Leonard. He's not going anywhere anytime soon. You can't constantly worry about when it may or may not happen, baby. And if it does, and if it is because he's a 'self-sacrificing bastard' as you put it, then you need to give him the dignity of his choices. I doubt he decides these things out of the blue. Let him make his own choices, sweetheart."

Bones said nothing, still leaning into his mother and trying to focus on the feeling of her hand in his hair. He couldn't simply not be afraid of Jim dying. It's hard to forget about your worst fear. Jim dying had even accelerated above Bones' own death. He couldn't live without Jim Kirk, not again. Even if he could, he wouldn't want to. They sat on the floor another fifteen minutes or so, before Bones decided to get up and try to sleep again.


	14. Light

" _I'll give you everything I have._

 _I'll teach you everything I know._

 _I promise I'll do better._

 _I will always hold you close,_

 _But I will learn to let you go."_

 **Kirk**

Jim was sat on the steps on the back porch with Elena, watching Bones and Joanna out in the yard. The wind had picked up that day, there were storms rolling in, and Bones had taken the opportunity to show Joanna how to fly a kite. Apparently no one else had bothered to do so, but Jim didn't see Bones minding much if it gave him time with his daughter. Jocelyn was only allowing Joanna to stay a couple days, so when Bones asked Jim to help them out with the kite, he had turned him down. Jim loved Joanna, that was an undeniable fact, and he wanted to spend time with her. But Bones needed time with Jojo by himself, so Jim gave it to him. It's not like he was that far away, simply watching from the porch, so it still counted for something.

"Nana! Uncle Jim! Look!" Joanna called from the yard. She had managed to actually get the kite off the ground, and was extremely proud of herself. Bones was crouched next to her, and Jim could see the special grin on his face that seemed to be reserved for Joanna. Elena clapped, and Jim laughed, giving the girl a thumbs up. "Good job, Jojo!" he called. She grinned and bounced happily before turning back to her father as he began explaining something else to her. Jim, still smiling, shook his head and leaned back on his hands. "I'm glad he's happy," Jim said, still watching Bones with Joanna. It was a rare occasion to see Bones like this, and most of the time it was with Joanna. "He deserves it," Jim continued. He believed it wholeheartedly. After the past week, Bones deserved all the happiness in the world.

"I know, James," Elena responded. "You would give him everything in the world if you could, wouldn't you?" She turned and looked at him with a knowing smile. Jim, of course, couldn't deny it. "He would do the same for you, baby. Don't forget that. He would give you the universe if he could." Jim said nothing in response, staying quiet. He focused more on Bones now instead of Joanna. He was fully aware of the fact that the man would do anything for him. Bones had broken his oath and risked his career in Starfleet for him, after all. But they had never talked about what had happened _before_ he broke that oath. Sure, Bones had screamed at Jim for nearly twenty minutes at one point, but that hadn't really been talking about it. Jim had been dead, he had left Bones behind. He would go in that warp core a thousand more times if it meant Bones and the rest of his crew could live, but in that moment he had never given himself time to think about what his death would do to his crew, Bones especially. And now he and Bones weren't talking about the Klingons either. Honestly, they were starting something like an untouched emotion mountain. He decided to voice this to Elena.

"We haven't talked about anything. Not that I really want to but…"

"You're worried about him."

"Yeah. Yeah I am."

"Oh, James. If only you knew how much he worries about you."

"I _do_ know he-'

"No, sweetheart, you don't. Not really."

"What do you mean?"

Elena began telling him the story of Bones' nightmare the night before. Jim had had no idea, he had never even heard Bones come down the stairs despite thinking of himself as a light sleeper. He knew Bones would probably never tell him, but wasn't sure whether or not he appreciated Elena telling him. He wanted to know what was going on with Bones, but the unintentional guilt trip it sent him on was something of a personal hell. He cared about Bones (more than he wanted to admit), and Bones going through anything because of him was a special kind of awful. He still maintained sacrificing himself to keep Bones alive being well worth it, but realizing fully what he would leave behind was weighing heavily on him. He had left Bones behind once, only briefly, but it had obviously still taken its toll.

"What is it, James?" Elena asked after Jim's prolonged silence.

"I just…. What's going to happen to him if something happens to me?"

"Baby, don't you start thinking like that too. Right now is what matters, and right now you two have the other. That's what matters. He may not be perfect, but no one is. You two will figure it out. You and that little baby girl out there, you're all he could ever need in the world. You're willing to give him the whole world but, baby, you've already given him half of his."

…..

 **Bones**

Bones and Jim had vacated the blanket fort they had made for Joanna to go watch the storm out on the porch. They both had a beer in their hands, despite Bones suggesting that it may not be the smartest thing in the world. Jim of course waved him off, stating that it would be very "un-Southern" of Bones to watch a storm without some kind of alcohol. Bones had agreed, after rolling his eyes, of course. So they sat on the front porch, their backs against the door. Despite Bones' point of alcohol maybe not being the best option, they both had a couple of empty bottles sitting next to them. They were yet to say too much, which was unusual when they had some alcohol in their system. They simply listened to the thunder roll across the sky and watched the lightening. Jim broke the silence with something that barely poked the untouched emotional mountain.

"Besides you mom, the only other person that called me James was Pike," he took a sip from his bottle after saying so. Bones turned his head to look at him. "I miss him," he continued. "He was a pain in my ass but," he shrugged, never turning to look at Bones.

"I know, Jim."

"It just seems like there's _so much_ he could've helped with and…" he trailed off and shook his head, taking another sip.

"Do you still feel guilty?" Bones asked. There had been a period where guilt over Pike's death seemed to be eating Jim alive. Once everything had slowed back down after Khan, it was evident to Bones in the extreme. Jim wasn't one to show too much emotion while he was in "Captain mode", but Bones still saw through him like he was a window. He had gotten Jim to admit it later on (after getting some drinks in him, which seemed to be the only way to get him to admit anything like that), and Jim seemed to start to at least be at peace with it. But now he was nodding, indicating that apparently, that guilt was still there. "It wasn't your fault, Jim."

"I knew what that asshole was up to and I didn't say anything, Bones. Not until it was too late. And then I took the bastard's craft down and it was _still_ too late. It's hard not to."

"You know he wouldn't blame you."

"He's not here to confirm that, Bones. It's illogical to guess what a dead man thinks."

Bones rolled his eyes, setting his drink down. "You've been around Spock too much. That hobgoblin is illogical."

Jim simply shrugged, though there was a small hint of a smile on his silence between them returned as the rain began to pick up, slamming against the roof over the porch. It was soothing to Bones at least, he missed this kind of thing when he was in space. There wasn't really a possibility of rain out in the black unless the rain was actually meteors. So this rain was reminding him that he was home on Earth, and not in the death trap that was space. He had a tendency to miss Georgia like crazy when he was out in space, especially his mother and the little girl sleeping in the living room in her makeshift fort.

"She's growing up without her daddy, Jim," Bones said suddenly. Everytime he saw Joanna, she was a little bit older. It was especially hard this time; Joanna would be ten soon. And she had spent almost all of those ten years without Bones being around like he should have been.

"That's not your fault, Bones. It's Jocelyn's. You want to see, you want to be a good dad. And she isn't letting you. Jojo's smart. If she hasn't figured that out already, she will eventually. She knows you love her, and she loves you. That's what matters."

Jim may have been right, but Bones couldn't shake the guilt. He hadn't been the one to file for divorce, that was all Jocelyn, but he had been the one to flee to Starfleet and then to space. At least if he had stayed here, he would have the possibility of seeing Joanna more often than a few days a year. "I feel like I'm not doing enough," Bones mumbled. He meant that in a broader sense than just Joanna. He simply felt like he wasn't doing enough for _anything_. Jim finally turned to look at him.

"Of course you're doing enough, Bones."

"I don't mean with Jo-"

"I know you don't."

Of course he knew. That asshole always knew. "Your opinion is a little biased."

"So is yours. Bones you cheated death, for shit's sake. How could you-"

"I played God, Jim. And it barely worked."

"Barely? Bones, I don't think I'm a barely. I'm pretty great. Besides, you said I was _barely_ dead."

"Yeah, well. I lied, Jim." He had never told Jim about what had gone down in the two weeks he'd been in a coma, and the medical files were confidential, there was no way Jim was finding out that way. He knew it more than likely wouldn't bother Jim, but it bothered him. So he kept it to himself. Jim was staring at him waiting for some kind of explanation. Bones sighed, picking up his drink again.

"The two weeks you were out were hell, Jim. It was peachy, nothing seemed to go the way it should have. The first week and a half were the worst. By the time the first week was over, nothing was changing. You wouldn't breathe on your own, your brain activity was nearly non-existent. Then on top of that you got some kind of infection. I thought Khan's blood wasn't working. And Starfleet had already said if you died again… That was that. No more chances. Even if things stayed where they were, I knew you wouldn't want that. I figured you were dying one way or another. And I wasn't ready for that, Jim. I wasn't ready to have to call your mom, and mine, and to tell Jojo…." he left it there. He wasn't sure that he'd be able to get much else out. His throat was burning, and he tried to get rid of it with more beer. Of course it didn't work.

"Bones…"

"Don't you tell me you're sorry, James Tiberius Kirk. You'd do it again and we both know it. Self-sacrificing bastard." Bones glanced at Jim, who was still staring at him. He could see the guilt in his eyes, and almost immediately regretted telling him. Jim didn't need more things to think about. "Let's go inside, before Jojo notices," he continued. He didn't want to finish this conversation if it meant Jim feeling worse. Jim nodded in response, and used Bones' shoulder to push himself up to stand. Bones stood after he was positive Jim was steady, and grabbed all the empty beer bottles.

"You know, Bones, I'm not as eager to leave you as you think I am. I don't want to leave you behind."

"I know, Jim."

 **A/N:** I am super sorry this took so long! I the chapter once and wasn't feeling it so started over. I also started another Star Trek fanfiction, so that obviously took up some time as well. But all and all, I'm pretty happy with this chapter and I hope you guys are too! Remember to review/follow/favorite to let me know if you do!


	15. Home

" _Hold on to me as we go_

 _As we roll down this unfamiliar road_

 _And although this wave is stringing us along_

 _Just know you're not alone_

 _'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"_

 **Bones**

Bones woke up in a tangle of arms. Joanna had pulled one of his arms to her, and had wrapped her own arms around it. Jim had rolled to face the two of them at some point in the night, his arm thrown over Joanna and resting on Bones' chest. Bones chuckled silently at the sight of the fearless Captain of the _Enterprise_ being a cuddler. He detangled his own arm from Joanna's, careful and trying not to wake her. Her eyes began to flutter for a moment before she simply replaced Bones' arm with Jim's as Bones scooted away. Bones sat up (as much as he could with the low ceiling of the pillow fort) and smiled at the sight. Joanna was still awake enough to move closer to Jim, nestling her head up under his chin. She seemed unbothered by Jim's snores, a fact that amazed Bones, given that it had taken him months of sharing a room with Jim in the Academy to be able to sleep through the sound. Bones watched them for a few moments more before backing out of the blanket fort.

When he entered the kitchen, his mother was already seated at the table with her PADD. This came as no real surprise to Bones, his mother had always been one to get up early. She looked up from her PADD and smiled at him.

"Good morning, Leonard."

"Mornin', Mama."

"I made you and James some coffee, but I figured you would want to make breakfast for Jojo."

Bones smiled, making his way to the counter where the coffee awaited him. "Thanks, Mama." His mother didn't speak again until he was done pouring his coffee.

"How's James?"

"We've been over this, Mama. He'll be back to his usual self before we leave. His knees are healing faster than I expected, actually."

"That's not what I mean, baby."

Bones turned around to look at his mother, his eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion. His mother sighed, setting her PADD down on the table. "Leonard, you both look like you're carrying the world on your shoulders. And you're both too stubborn to give up any of the weight." Bones didn't know how to respond, so said nothing. "Baby," his mother continued, "I haven't seen you this torn up about something since your father passed." Bones looked away, taking the opportunity to seem interested in his coffee.

"I don't wanna talk about Dad, Mama." It wasn't a lie. His dad's death was the worst thing he'd been through. Even now, he couldn't quite shake the pain of it. Bones had been through a multitude of things in his life, but his father's death trumped the rest. It had been particularly hard for Bones. Not only had he been close with his father, but he had watched his father suffer through a long illness before finally just watching him die. It would have been hard enough as a doctor. Bones always had trouble in situations like that, feeling like he was the only one that could do anything, but being totally powerless. But this being his father took it to a whole new level. If he couldn't save one of the few people he loved in the world, what was the point in even being a doctor? He had struggled greatly with it, even long after his father's death. Jocelyn even had the nerve to use it to paint him as "mentally incapable" during the hearings for custody of Joanna. His father's death was one of the things that pushed him to leave everything behind and join Starfleet, despite being years in the past.

"If you're struggling this much, Leonard, then there must be a lot of things you don't want to talk about. But you have to, baby. You can't just bottle it all up, you know that. Talk to me, or to James. He's worried about you, too."

"You both have enough to deal with."

"And you're one of the things, baby. Please, at least talk to James."

Bones resorted back to silence. He _was_ bottling things up, that was something he couldn't deny. But last night had made him afraid to open up any further. He could tell he had made Jim feel guilty, though unintentionally. He didn't want to give Jim anything else to feel guilty about; guilt was the one thing Jim Kirk couldn't handle well. If he talked to his Mama, she would just worry about him even more. He didn't want that either, especially not when he and Jim were a little over a week away from going back into the black. The only other person he could think of to talk to was Sulu, but Sulu was happy. He wasn't ruining that by forcing him to carry some of Bones' own baggage. He would just carry on as he always had, and if he ended up talking about things with Jim, so be it. But he wasn't going to be the one to force it.

His mother was beginning to say something again when Jim came in. Bones wouldn't exactly call it walking, really it was something closer to hobbling. He was carrying Joanna along with him, making Bones worry even more about the stress on his knees. Jim was getting better, but Bones didn't think he was this good yet. Still, he said nothing, watching Jim make his way to the table, Joanna's head resting on his shoulder. Bones was fully prepared to dive over the kitchen counters if Jim even showed the slightest sign of getting any more shaky on his feet. But Jim made it, pulling a chair out from under the table and adjusting Joanna. He sat down, Joanna now resting on his lap, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck and her head still against his shoulder.

"Mornin', Jim."

"Hey, Bones."

Bones took a small sense of relief in the sleepiness still edging its way into Jim's voice, silently hoping that he hadn't heard the whole conversation between Bones and his mother. Granted nothing much had really come of the conversation, but Bones didn't need Jim worrying about something else. They were meant to be on shore leave, for God's sake. They weren't meant to be worrying about anything.

"That growth on your shoulder awake?" Bones asked, a small smile creeping across his face as he poured Jim a cup of coffee. The smile widened as he heard a sleepy giggle.

"I think that's a yes," Jim replied, a sleepy grin curling his lips.

"What does the growth want for breakfast?" Bones asked, loading Jim's coffee with sugar, the way he liked it. Bones looked over at the pair as Jim leaned his ear closer to Joanna as she mumbled something into his shoulder.

"The growth requests biscuits," Jim stated, only to lean down once more as Joanna mumbled something else. "Oh, it said to say please." Jim grinned and Bones chuckled, bringing Jim his cup of coffee.

"Well, at least your growth has manners."

…..

 **Kirk**

Jim let out a small yelp of pain as Bones prodded a particularly tender area of his knee. Bones mumbled a quiet apology, keeping his focus despite Jim's occasional protests. "Shit, Bones, can you press any harder?"

"I'm being as gentle as I can, Jim. I'm trying to make sure everything's sittin' all right in there."

"Aren't there machines for that?"

"I trust this more. Plus, didn't figure you wanted to visit with the hospital staff."

Jim made a face despite the fact that Bones wasn't looking at him. "They don't have cute nurses. Damn it, Bones!" he exclaimed as Bones found yet another tender spot.

"Sorry, Jim."

"Can't you just leave it be? I'm not stabbing at your face for Christ's sake!" Jim took the half second Bones took to look up at him to look at his face. The bruising around his eye had extended down further his cheek in a wide array of colors. The swelling was gone for the most part, but some remained under Bones' eye, where apparently one of the Klingons had hit him hard enough (or enough times) to place a deep crack in the bone.

"Because you don't have a medical degree, you infant." Bones said. He seemed to be satisfied with whatever was going on with Jim's knees and stood. "How's your back?" he asked. Jim could see the hint of concern in his eyes.

"Can't see it very well, can I? It feels okay, though."

Bones seemed to consider this for a moment before nodding. "Okay, good. Hand?"

"A little better."

Bones nodded again before sitting himself down in another one of the dining chairs. "Are you sure you're up to walking 'round the park with Jo today?"

Jim stuck out his bottom lip, conjuring up his best puppy dog eyes. "Awww, Bones, you're not going to carry me?" Bones rolled his eyes.

"You're not _that_ much of an infant, Jim."

"Damn." Jim grinned despite himself. "Yeah, I'll be okay, Bones."

Bones still looked unsure, but agreed anyway. "Whatever you say. But you start thinking otherwise, you let me know, all right? And no carrying Jo again, that put stress on your knees that they're not ready for."

"Yes, Doctor McCoy."

"Damn straight."

Jim grinned again, and Bones rolled his eyes, despite a smile trying to tug at his lips. "Are you okay?" Jim asked, watching Bones lean his head back against his chair.

"Gettin' there. My eye still hurts like a bitch."

"Besides that stuff?"

Bones sighed, bringing his hands up to his face. "You heard Mama this mornin'." It wasn't a question, but was a statement. Bones already knew, Jim didn't have to explain it to him. Jim shrugged in response. He had heard most of the conversation.

"Yeah. I just want to make sure you're okay, Bones."

"I'm fine, Jim."

"Bullshit."

"I really don't want to do this right now."

"Are you ever going to?"

Jim stared at his friend, waiting for some kind of reply. When he didn't get one, he continued the conversation himself. "Bones… Come on. You and I both know that Jojo leaving tonight is just going to add to everything that's already there. I know you're not okay, for fuck's sake, neither of us are. But we're not going to get anywhere at our current pace."

Bones sighed heavily, his head never leaving the back of the chair. "I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to need some drinks later."

Jim was satisfied with the somewhat hidden agreement.

 **A/N:** I am so so so so sorry this took so long. I was on vacation and then got hit with some serious writer's block. I'm still madly in love with this story and fully intend to finish it, however; I'm becoming increasingly unhappy with the way I wrote some earlier chapters. I want to rewrite them in order to hopefully better the story, but I'd like some input from you all. What are some things you would change? Would you add some stuff, take some stuff out? Change the way I described some stuff? Let me know! If I do rewrite the chapters, what would you like me to do with them? Publish them as a separate story or replace the ones here? I love you all, and hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner 3


	16. The Run and Go

" _You'll have to watch me struggle_

 _From several rooms away_

 _But tonight I'll need you to stay."_

 **Sulu**

He had been so zoned out, so absorbed in his own thoughts, that he hadn't even noticed Ben had cupped his face and his hands and turned it. At least not until their eyes locked, Ben's concern evident. "Hikaru?" he asked quietly. Sulu shook away the last of his lingering thoughts and leaned into Ben's touch.

"Mhm?"

"Are you alright? I've tried to talk to you a couple of times and you haven't answered."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just zoned out is all." It was the biggest lie he'd ever told his husband. He wasn't fine, not really, in fact he'd be closer to considering himself anything but. Ben knew, that was a fact he was sure of, just by seeing the way he was looking at him. Sulu sighed heavily as Ben let his hands fall. "No. I'm not," he mumbled, shifting to lean into his husband. Ben's arms were around him in an instant, and Sulu slid one of his hands into Ben's.

"Tell me what's going on."

"Same thing that's been going on since I got home, Ben. I can't shake it." In all honesty, he felt a little guilty. While he couldn't shake what it had been like finding Jim and McCoy, they were the ones that had to see the whole thing. He was making a mountain out of a molehill compared to what the two of them had been through. And yet here he was, unable to get past it. He remembered everything with a vividness that nearly made him sick. He kept a level head in the moment, sure, that was his job as a Starfleet officer. But now he was here, off duty, no front to keep up if he didn't want to. So everything was hitting him like bricks, over and over again, in quick repetition. For the most part he could shake it, at least enough that his daughter and Ben's family wouldn't notice. But Ben noticed, something Sulu couldn't be sure if he wanted. So they had ended up staying up late a number of times since they had gotten here, Ben listening to everything he needed to say. He had been listening since Sulu called him on his first break after they found them. He had found the privacy of his quarters, and called Ben, breaking down right then and there. He had choked out everything he could, and then listened as Ben talked about their daughter, something Sulu was thankful for more than he could put into words.

But there was some things he would never be able to explain to Ben enough to where he would understand. He alone would understand the sights, smells, and sounds. He alone would understand the drop of his stomach when he looked down mid fight with a Klingon to see the blood trail painting the long hall. He alone would carry the sound he knew all too well; a blade entering a body, something he never wanted to hear in a situation like this. The knowledge that if he turned, he would see what he feared, what he knew had happened and didn't want to accept. His fear being realized by the sound of Jim's scream ripping through every other sound in the room as he saw what Sulu didn't have the heart to turn and see. Somehow, he knew he would always remember the sound of his own blade clattering to the floor, the feeling of his knees colliding with the hard floor as he dove forward to catch the man he considered to be one of the best friends he had ever had. He would remember feeling Jim's body go limp against his own, deafening silence filling the room as he kept his arms around the Captain. He wanted to forget it all, pretend it never happened, but he would never get the luxury.

His breath caught in his throat as the vivid images resurfaced once more. He leaned heavily into his husband, trying to retain some kind of reminder that it was over, they weren't there anymore, Jim and McCoy were fine. It was over. He kept repeating it over and over in his head. _It's over, it's over, it's over_. But was it? Wouldn't they all have to carry this? Would it ever really be over? Or would it just be tossed on top of everything else the crew had been through?

"Would it help if you called to check on them? They're together, right? I'm sure they wouldn't mind, Hikaru." Ben's voice cut through his thoughts, and Sulu relaxed against him.

"Maybe. What time is it there?"

"About dinner time, I think."

…

 **Kirk**

Jim had long ago finished his dinner, but was still sitting at the table with Bones as he finished his own. They had taken Joanna home a couple hours earlier, and Bones had been more quiet and somber ever since. It happened every time he saw Joanna, however brief it was. Once she left, Bones was anything but himself, and Jim had to simply wait it out. He had tried a multitude of things over the years to try to pick Bones back up, but so far nothing had worked. So he just waited.

"Bones, that has to be cold by now. Are you even going to eat it?"

Bones responded with a shrug, pushing some more food around on his plate. "Probably not," he said quietly. "Not that hungry."

Jim sighed and stood slowly, taking Bones' plate. Bones had barely eaten the food on it, despite the fact that it was one of his favorite meals. "I'll just put it away for later then." Bones offered no response, which wasn't a surprise to Jim. This would carry on at least through the night, but hopefully in the morning, Bones would be at least somewhat closer to himself. Jim had been through this process several times, but somehow it never got any easier to watch.

"Is that your PADD?" Bones surprised Jim by speaking without prompting. He listened from his spot in front of the fridge, and sure enough heard his PADD going off somewhere in the living room.

"Yeah, it is. Can you grab it? I don't really want to miss that call if it's Starfleet." Jim got no response other than the noise of Bones' chair scraping the floor as he got up.

"It's Sulu!" Bones called from wherever he had found the PADD in the living room.

"Answer it then," Jim responded, slowly making his way to the living room. Admittedly, he was mildly disappointed it wasn't Starfleet. He felt something like a sitting duck not knowing whether or not he would be returning to the _Enterprise_ at war with the Klingons. But he was glad for a chance to talk to Sulu; he had barely heard from him since they went their separate ways for their shore leave. A few messages was all they had exchanged, most of them being about whether or not Starfleet had made their decision on the Klingons. Any sense of normalcy was appreciated at the moment, especially now that normal with Bones was at least temporarily lost.

Bones had already made himself comfortable on the couch when Jim finally sat down.

"Took you long enough, good God, Kirk," came Sulu's voice from the PADD.

"Yeah, well, turns out medical technology in a farmhouse in Georgia isn't quite the same as on the _Enterprise_." Jim responded, taking the PADD from Bones but keeping it where his friend could see. Sulu was grinning at him, though it wasn't quite meeting his eyes the same way it usually did.

"You're telling me McCoy didn't bring every piece of medical equipment he could get?"

"I wouldn't let him." Jim let a grin curl his lips, and Bones grumbled next to him. "I'm sorry, Bones, what was that?" He only got an eye roll in return.

"How's it going down there anyway? Are you two okay?" Sulu's grin had faded, and there was a concerned look in his eyes. Jim glanced at Bones before responding.

"We're getting there. Are _you_ okay?"

Sulu opened his mouth to answer and then closed it again, seeming to think about his answer. Jim looked at Bones instead, who met his eyes for a few short moments before getting up.

"I'm gonna go check on Mama." he said, looking away. Jim said nothing, letting him walk away. He listened to the sound of his footsteps as Sulu grew quiet as well. They both heard the sound of the back door shutting, but remained silent for a few moments longer.

"Is he okay?" Sulu asked, his voice quiet but concerned.

"I don't think either of us are."

"It's different this time. You guys have been through a lot, hell, we all have, but it's different for everybody this time. Seems like it, at least."

"Are you okay?"

"No." There was no hesitation this time, no consideration for his answer. Just the blatant fact. He wasn't okay, none of them were. This time _was_ different. Certainly for Jim and Bones, but for everyone else involved as well. Apparently especially for Sulu. Jim had no trouble seeing why, Not only was he part of the senior crew that made up something like a family, but he and Jim were particularly close. They weren't each other's best friend (that job fell to a little Russian man for Sulu and a grumpy doctor for Jim), but they were still close.

"I didn't think so," Jim said quietly, almost wishing he could disappear between the couch cushions. Sulu gave him a wry smile in return.

"Ben helps. But…."

"He doesn't understand."

"No, no he doesn't. And I don't know that I want him to."

"I wish no one had to."

There was a heavy silence, both men looking away from their respective PADDS. The wound left by the latest mission gone awry was still fresh. Everything was still fresh, and given the nature of what had happened, most likely would be for a while. Time was supposed to make everything better, but yet here they were, the same place they were in a week ago.

"Have you and McCoy talked about it?"

Jim sighed and shook his head. "No, not really. We started to but.." he shrugged.

"Don't rush it, but don't bury it either, Jim. I know how you are."

"Aye, Mr. Sulu," Jim said with a small smile. Sulu chuckled softly, and somehow it took some of the weight off of Jim's shoulders.

"Really, Jim. And if you need to… I'm here too."

"I know, Hikaru. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now go check on McCoy. And tell his mom I said hi." Sulu said, his smile finally reaching his eyes.

"You got it."

…

 **Bones**

They had been at the bar a whole five minutes, and Jim had already wandered off to go flirt. Bones let him go, warning him not to make an asshole of himself, but had not followed. Instead he stayed at the bar on his own, a few finished shots in front of him. He could faintly hear Jim somewhere in the room behind him, but couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Len! Long time no see!" Bones somehow found the strength to keep himself from groaning out loud in response to the man that had just sat down next to him.

"Hey, Greg," he turned toward the man, forcing a polite smile. He got a drunken grin in return. God, this guy _reeked_. Bones could only guess how many drinks this guy had had. If he was guessing by how much booze he could smell coming off his breath, it had to be above ten. He had known this jackass in school. Judging by the current situation, he hadn't changed much. In school, Greg had been convinced they were friends, though Bones considered them nothing relatively close. He didn't even want to admit he knew the guy.

"How's it going?" Greg slurred, throwing an arm around Bones' shoulders. It took everything Bones had in him to keep the smile on and not cringe at the arm around him. "Looks like you got on the wrong end of a fight." The drunken grin grew, and Bones suddenly wanted nothing more than for Jim to return and start talking about something Bones couldn't even begin to understand.

"Uh, yeah, all right, something like that," Bones responded, despite the fact that Greg wasn't even looking at him anymore.

"Holy shit! That James Kirk? Great ol' Captain Kirk?"

Bones let a small sigh escape from between his lips. "Uh huh. Yeah, that's him."

"Starfleet's poster boy! Jesus, bit of a disappointment in person ain't he? Fucker can't even stand on his own!

Bones glanced over his shoulder at Jim, anger starting to burn somewhere in his body. Jim was standing at a table that housed a group of women, all them laughing, probably at something Jim had said. But Jim wasn't sitting with them, instead standing next to the table and leaning heavily onto the cane Bones had made him bring. His knees had to be bothering him. Greg started up again before Bones had even turned back around.

"Guess 'Fleet needs someone to stick up on a pedestal. Guarantee he ain't done half the things they say he has. His crew probably does all the work while he sits there with his thumb up 'is ass." Bones' hands curled into fists on his lap under the bar. Greg snorted. "Probably just 'cause his dad died a 'Fleet hero. Gotta keep the legacy alive, yanno? Bet he ain't even half the man."

Before Bones could even register what was going on, he was on his feet, and his fist was colliding with Greg's cheek. The other man toppled from his bar stool, straight to the floor, as a hush fell over the bar. The first thing Bones even remembered thinking was _well that hurt_ and registering the ache in his knuckles. Jim broke the hushed silence. "Bones? What the hell?" He could hear Jim approaching him, but paid no mind to him, instead watching the slow rise of Greg from the floor.

Greg was on him in an instant, and despite Bones' best efforts, he couldn't overpower a man that was clearly much stronger. Bones was flying over a table that toppled along with him without even being able to put up too much of a fight. "Hey!" he heard Jim shout as he pulled himself up off the floor, pain radiating from somewhere in his back. He looked over just as Greg's large fist meet Jim's left eye. He leapt over the table, not remembering a thing that happened afterwards.

At least not until he was sitting on the curb outside the bar, Jim crouched in front of him, concern etching lines on his face. "You're bleeding," he said, pressing a paper towel to Bones' cheek. He shied away from the touch and grimaced, slowly becoming aware of the pain that seemed to have no one lone location on his body.

"Hurts," Bones mumbled. Jim sighed, seeming to pay no attention to the hiss of pain Bones made when Jim set a hand on the back of his head to pull him closer.

"Usually what happens, yeah. What happened in there, Bones? I've never seen you like that. Kinda scary, really."

"Tell ya later."

Jim sighed again, standing up and leaving the paper towel forgotten as it fell to the road. "Alright. Come on, let's go home." But a smile bled into his voice as he added, "Fuckin' scrapper."

 **A/N:** So apparently I've picked up the habit of failing to update for a couple weeks so um. Sorry bout that. Though this chapter is longer! I really enjoyed going back into Sulu's POV. I wanted to show how how this was affecting more than just Jim and Bones, Sulu especially since he was the next heavily involved after those two and Spock. He was the only one to not really get a section about how he was dealing, and he deserved such. Hope you guys enjoyed! Remember to favorite, follow, and review to let me know how it's going!


	17. Carry On Wayward Son

" _Carry on my wayward son_

 _There'll be peace when you are done_

 _Lay your weary head to rest_

 _Don't you cry no more"_

 **Kirk**

They were finishing their drinking on the back porch using the small stash of whiskey Bones had a tendency to keep in Georgia and the pack of beer they hadn't gotten the chance to finish off. Bones was still grumbling about the fact that he had to let Jim fix him up. Apparently, Jim had been a bit on the rough side, but Jim prefered to call it payback for all those hypos Bones liked to give him.

"So are you ever going to tell me why you got into a fight with a guy that looked like he could be a professional wrestler?" Jim asked, swiping the bottle of whiskey from Bones' hands and taking a swig.

"He was a linebacker, actually. Do you even want to know?"

"Obviously. Bones, I have never seen you that pissed. It was awesome and terrifying at the same time. I mean, Bones, that guy was _huge_ and I think you could've kicked his ass if the bartender hadn't broken you guys up."

"He said you were a joke, didn't do the shit that Starfleet says you did, and that you aren't half the man your father was. And that your dad was the only reason Starfleet liked you so much, keeping his legacy alive." Bones spat it out quickly, like he was trying to rip off a bandage to make it hurt less. Jim's hands tightened around the whiskey bottle in his hands, but said nothing. Bones sighed and leaned back into the house. "It wasn't just that, though. I saw him punch you, and I just… snapped."

"You've seen me get into fights before, Bones. You've never gotten that angry." Jim glanced at his best friend, taking another swig of whiskey.

"I know that. But usually you start the fights." Jim nodded in agreement, passing the whiskey back to Bones. "But this time _I_ started the fight and you had nothing to do with it."

"I could've held my own."

"I've seen you beaten up enough for this lifetime and the next, Jim."

Jim tried to make eye contact with Bones, vaguely sure he knew what was going on. But Bones wouldn't look at him, and instead was staring out into the backyard.

"Bones…. Is this about what happened with the Klingons?" Bones just downed what was left in the whiskey bottle. "Bones."

"I couldn't do anything then, and I could do it earlier. So I did."

Jim sighed heavily, looking away and followed Bones' gaze into the yard. "So that's what bothered you the most, too."

"Well it's not like anything in there was a nice ol' walk in the park, but yeah. Yeah, that was the worst part."

"I'm sorry, Bones." Jim could tell Bones was looking at him, he watched his head turn out of the corner of his eye. But now it was his turn not to look.

"For what, Jim?"

"I asked you to come with me. You shouldn't have even been there."

"Jim-"

"Bones, you didn't have a single reason for being there other than me asking you to come. And the Klingons didn't need you, not really, you were just leverage to get to me." Bones stayed silent, still looking at him, Jim still refusing to turn to face him. "I thought they were going to kill you, Bones, I really did. I thought maybe they were lying about you being still alive. I-" his voice cracked and he paused, squeezing his eyes shut. "I thought you were dead because of me, Bones. And then they brought you back and- and everything was okay for a minute. And then they-" he stopped again as his breathing hitched, turning further away from Bones as he opened his eyes with tears threatening to spill. "I thought I had lost you. I thought I had gotten you killed, Bones. And, fuck, I'm _so sorry_."

"It's not your fault, Jim." Bones' voice was gentle, and Jim felt a hand on his shoulder.

"But it is! Bones, you shouldn't have even been there. But you were, because of me. And when we were in there, they told me whatever they did to me they would do to you even more severely and I _still_ didn't do anything. You didn't do anything wrong! They had no reason to hurt you except to get to me. I knew that if they went too far with you, they wouldn't bother trying to save you. You're so afraid of space and dying out there, and I thought you were gonna die and that you were going to be all alone when you did, and God, Bones, I'm just so fucking sorry." The tears spilled, and his breathing hitched into sobs. He heard the creaking of the boards as Bones moved to sit in front of him. Bones pulled him into his chest and held him there in a tight embrace.

"I thought we were both goners, Jim. But not for one _second_ did I blame you for it. Because it wasn't your fault, and it never will be. Now, I think we can both agree on you bein' somethin' like a danger magnet," Jim breathed out something between a laugh and a sob, "but that doesn't make it your fault." Bones sighed and shifted, probably in an attempt to make their awkward positioning more comfortable. "I was terrified, Jim. And not just for myself, for you too. I had no idea what they were doing to you and it was driving me insane. Out in the hall when I saw that trail of blood you had left… I thought maybe you were already g-gone," Bones tripped over the word, his breath catching. Jim simply pulled his arms from where they were smashed between himself and Bones, and returned the embrace. "I couldn't stop thinking about you in that fucking body bag. I didn't want to see that again, Jim. Ever. I still don't. I couldn't even find a point in getting out of there if you weren't with me. I felt so _horrible_ because you had been there right in front of me, and you were hurt, and I couldn't do anything about it. That's my job, Jim, that's my job to fix you up and keep you from knockin' on death's door. And I couldn't do it, I couldn't save you like I had every other time."

"It's okay, Bones," Jim mumbled into his chest, starting to get a firm hold on his emotions. "I have a feeling you're going to get more opportunities. I am a danger magnet, after all." Bones sighed again.

"Yeah.. Yeah, I know. You alright, Jim?"

"I will be. What about you?"

"Just as long as you're here, kid."

….

 **Bones**

They were packing up to leave the next afternoon. Jim,' in his usual fashion, had left various belongings in random places about the house, so packing was taking longer than expected. The bright side was that Jim's knees were finally starting to heal fully, so Jim was able to run about the house on his own to gather his stuff.

"I can't find one of my socks!" he called from the top of the stairs.

"I have it here, baby! I washed it for you!" Bones' mother responded from her spot next to her son. She turned and look at Bones, smiling. "He had a whole stash of socks between my couch cushions." Bones couldn't help but chuckle.

"Of course he did. I found one of his shirts _in my bed_. He wasn't even upstairs before last night and somehow he leaves a shirt there." His mother laughed as he sat down in one of the dining chairs. He simply sighed and shook his head.

"I heard you two come in last night, what were you doing out so late? And don't lie to me, Leonard Horatio. I see your split knuckles." She looked at him, waiting not so patiently for an answer. Bones could feel his face turning red.

"Well we left to go to the bar… That didn't go as planned." His mother said nothing, instead simply crossing her arms over her chest. The heat in his face grew. "I, uh, I got into a fight, Mama."

"Leonard Horatio McCoy!" she smacked the back of his head with her hand, apparently not feeling the least bit sorry about doing so.

"Ow, Mama!" Bones responded, ducking away from any further attacks and rubbing the back of his head.

"Don't you 'ow Mama' me! You know better, Leonard! Especially when you're already hurt as it is." She frowned at him, crossing her arms again. "You've never been one to fight, baby. Why start now?" Bones gives her a sheepish look before responding.

"He was talkin' about Jim, Mama. I couldn't just sit there and listen to 'im." His mother looked like, for a moment, that maybe she was going to scold him again, but then her expression softened and she sighed, letting her arms drop.

"I swear, you two are going to be the death of me," she sounded exasperated, but Bones could see the smile in her eyes. He grinned himself and stood, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"I love you, Mama."

"Mhm. Love you too, baby." Bones began to walk away, but his mother grabbed his arm. He turned to face her, raising an eyebrow at her. "Did you talk to James?" she asked quietly, frowning again and both looking and sounding concerned.

"Yeah, Mama. That's why we came back in so late. We were talkin' out on the porch." His mother's worry visibly faded and she nodded, seemingly satisfied.

"Good, good," she let go of his arm and patted his shoulder. "Now go help that poor boy get his stuff out of my house."

….

Nearly two hours later, the hovercar was reloaded, and Jim and Bones were preparing to leave to head back to San Francisco. They would still have a few days to do as they wished when they got there, but it gave the crew time to regroup before heading back to the ship. They were already planning on meeting up with Sulu and his family again, something Bones could tell Jim was excited about. Even so, that meant leaving Georgia, something Bones was not looking forward to. He would always follow Jim back into the black, but that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to miss home. He closed the back hatch to the hover car, and turned to face his mother. She was tearing up already.

"Mama…" he pulled her into a hug quickly, feeling her lay her cheek against his chest.

"Just be safe, baby, please."

"We will, Mama. Well, I will, anyway. Can't make any promises for the danger magnet." His mother let out a small laugh.

"Just… come home to me. Both of you. And in one piece next time!" she pulled out of his embrace and swatted his chest lightly. Jim appeared from around the side of the hover car.

"Can I have my hugs now?" he asked, putting on his best puppy dog eyes on. Elena smiled at Bones and then turned to face Jim.

"Of course, James." Jim grinned like an idiot and hugged Elena tightly, lifting her off the ground this time like he usually did.

"I'm going to miss you so much," he told her when he finally put her back on solid ground.

"Mhm, I know you'll just miss my cooking, James Tiberius Kirk. Good thing I left put some pie in your snack bag," she said. Bones could hear the grin in her voice, and grinned as well when Jim's eyes lit up like he was a kid on Christmas.

"Oh my God, Elena, you're the best!" he kissed her cheek quickly, and then rushed around to his side of the hovercar, no doubt going to look for the pie. Elena turned back to her son, hugging him again.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Mama. We'll come home next time we get shore leave, I promise. And keep me updated on my little girl. God knows Jocelyn won't."

"Of course I will, Len." she pulled away, looking him up and down, tearing up all over again. "You'd better be going, I think Jim's ready to get that pie in his system," she smiled despite the tears in her eyes.

"Alright," Bones smiled back at her, pecking her cheek one last time before walking to the driver's door of the hover car. Jim was already sitting in the passenger seat, door still open, digging through the refilled snack bag.

"Bye, James," Bones' mother said as she walked past his door.

"Bye, Mom," he responded, like he had said it everyday of his life to her. Bones and Elena both realized what he had done instantly and both stopped dead in their tracks. Jim however, took a moment to realize. When he did, his hands froze mid bag search, and Bones watched his face slowly turn a light pink. "I didn't even think about it," he said quietly. He looked to Elena, obviously embarrassed, but awaiting her smiled a big, bright smile, and Bones had to let out a small chuckle.

"Now James, baby, that may have been an accident, but if you want to keep that up, you go right on ahead. I'd be honored," he grin widened somehow, and she stepped around Jim's door. Bones watched Jim's idiotic grin form on his face.

"Yes, ma'am," he said simply, the kid at Christmas look returning. Elena laughed and pecked his cheek.

"Good," she patted his knee gently before returning to her path to the front of the hovercar.

When they pulled out of the driveway, Jim still had that stupid grin on his face, and Bones could help but laugh happily.

 **A/N** : Sorry again for the wait! I really wanted to do this chapter justice, and I hope that I have. I'm thinking maybe three more chapters for this story (because an even 20 would be great), and then we'll have reached our end! Please let me know what you've thought of the story! And if you're interested, check out my new story that also involves some Jim and Bones angst. Thanks again you guys, and remember to review, favorite, and follow!


	18. Safe and Sound

**A/N:** Before I start this chapter, I would like to say that I went back and changed Sulu's daughter's name to Demora as you know that's what it's meant to be and my researching abilities apparently suck so uh yeah. My bad! Here we go guys!

" _Just close your eyes_

 _The sun is going down_

 _You'll be alright_

 _No one can hurt you now_

 _Come morning light_

 _You and I'll be safe and sound"_

 **Kirk**

Starfleet had called them half way back from Georgia, asking for another meeting as soon as possible. So Jim and Bones were in Jim's apartment in San Francisco, scrambling to get their dress uniforms on.

"I hate these things," Bones grumbled, pulling at the collar. "Feel like I'm bein' strangled."

"But Bonesy! You look so cute in the hat," Jim grinned, handing Bones' hat to him. Bones rolled his eyes.

"I hate you too, Jim,"

"I think you may be a pathological liar, Bones. You say you hate me all the time, but we all know how much you love me," Jim's grin widened as he pulled on his shoes.

"I think you're just foolin' yourself, Jim."

"That's what a pathological liar would say, Bones. You're digging yourself into a hole here."

Bones was pulling at his collar some more, trying to loosen it up and _not_ suffocate, when Jim noticed it. It was subtle at first, a slight tremor in his fingers, but as the minutes ticked by and they went about trying to make themselves look halfway decent, it got progressively worse. Jim figured he should say something about it, but the moment he opened his mouth something inevitably stopped him. He barely got out the first syllable of Bones' name before his PADD alerted him of a new message from Starfleet. He sighed and reached for the device. _Of all times…_

"We'd better get goin' kid," Bones mumbled.

"Yeah." Jim replied, scanning through the message and not bothering to look up and watch his friend quickly jam his hands into his pockets. "They're asking for us."

"Impatient bastards," the insult was only half hearted. Jim sighed again and tossed the PADD to the couch. "C'mon, Jim." Bones turned and headed for the door.

"Bones. Wait." Jim took a couple slightly larger strides to come to Bones' side. "Your hands are shaking." Jim watched as Bones sighed, pulled a hand from his pocket, and rubbed his face. It was still shaking.

"I'm aware, Jim."

"So then talk to me, Bonesy." Bones was a surgeon. A damn good one, known for his steady hands. He knew how to distance himself to keep them that way. Jim had never once seen his hands shake when he was on duty. Not even the slightest twitch. But he had seen his hands shake. Off duty, when Bones would get particularly stressed or upset, they would shake. But even then it was a rare occurrence. Something was deeply wrong.

"Jim… we might go back to that tin can at war with the Klingons. Because of us. That doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me. I'm terrified, Bones. We go to war with the Klingons then… shit, who knows what'll happen. I'm not worth that many lives, Bones. We're two people, we're not worth thousands of lives. Are we?" Jim and Bones seem to watch each other for a moment before Bones decides to respond.

"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a soldier. I can't… I can't go back out there knowin' that we're going back out there to destroy somethin'. That's not what we're meant to be out there for. We're meant to be out there to explore and learn, not destroy. I can't take lives, Jim, I just can't. That's not what I'm here for, that's not what _we're_ here for."

"I know, Bones, I know. I'm not going to ask you to. Hopefully Starfleet will have enough sense to not ask either."

"And if they don't?"

Jim rested a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Then we figure it out. We'll be okay, Bones." Bones nodded, but still didn't look sure.

"Let's get this over with," Bones said, shoving his hands back into his pockets.

…

Ten minutes later they were standing in front of the same six people they were just over a week ago. Jim's heart felt like it may pound straight out his chest as he stood shoulder to shoulder with Bones.

"Captain Kirk, Doctor McCoy, thank you for arriving on such short notice," one of the women said.

"Of course, ma'am," Jim replied, folding his hands behind his back. He glanced to Bones from the corner of his eye. He was as stoic as ever, hands hidden away behind his back. Jim looked back to the group in front of them, waiting.

"Captain, Doctor, we felt that the two of you should know the decision that has been made first."

"And what is that decision?" Bones asked. His voice was level and respectful.

"The Federation will not be declaring war on the Klingons. Captain Kirk, we took what you said into consideration and found that we do believe that the group of Klingons that attacked you were acting outside the Klingon Empire. Given that, and given that the Klingon Empire has shown no evidence of retaliating for the loss of their own officers, we do not find a declaration of war in the best interest of the Federation." Jim felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He couldn't help but look to Bones and grin. _Finally_ something had gone their way through all of this. Bones visibly relaxed, his shoulders becoming more disciplined rather than rigid.

"Thank you, ma'am. I have to say, Admiral, we wholeheartedly agree with your decision." Jim was surprised when he saw a small smile pass across the Admiral's face.

"We thought you would. That being said, Captain, we would also like to commend you both on your bravery-"

"Admiral, if I may, we were just doing what we had to to survive. There isn't really bravery in that. My crew, however, showed tremendous bravery. They are the ones who came back for us, and fought through over a dozen Klingons to do so."

"Would you agree, Commander?" she asked, looking to Bones.

"Of course, ma'am, a hundred percent. We wouldn't be standing here without them. Gotta give credit where it's due, Admiral."

"Very well then. We commend your crew on their bravery, Captain."

"Thank you, Admiral," Jim responded, another wide smile spreading across his face.

"That being said, you can reconvene your crew when you wish, and return to the _Enterprise_. Doctor M'Benga will examine you both on your return, and as long as you are both cleared for duty, you are free to return to your mission."

"Thank you, Admiral, we appreciate it."

"Of course, Captain. You're both free to go."

Jim gave Bones one last stupid grin before turning to leave.

…..

 **Bones**

"You really will take any chance to brag about your crew won't you?" Bones asked as they walked down the front steps.

"'Course I will! Best in the 'Fleet." Jim's usual idiotic grin spread across his face and Bones couldn't help but smile. Jim flung an arm around Bones' shoulder as they reached the bottom steps. "See, Bones? I told ya it'd be all right."

"You were gettin' nervous there for a second too, you aren't foolin'-" Bones stopped in his tracks, and Jim stopped a couple steps ahead before turning and grinning at Bones.

"Surprise?"

Bones took off across the courtyard, his hat flying off somewhere behind him, not that he cared in the least. "Joanna!" he called as he and his daughter raced toward each other. His heart soared as they met and she jumped to wrap her arms around his neck. "Baby, what are you doing here? How did you get here?" he asked, lifting her off the ground and wrapping his arms around her.

"Uncle Jim thought we should surprise you," Joanna said into his shoulder. Bones was about to ask who all was involved in this "we" when he looked up to see his mother walking toward them. He grinned to her and she smiled back.

"Yeah, Uncle Jim's smart like that." he said, standing up fully as Joanna wrapped her legs around him as well. Her head shot up suddenly and she looked to her father, eyes wide.

"Wait. Do I get to see everyone else too? Auntie Nyota, Uncle Spock, Uncle Scotty, Uncle Kar-" Bones laughed, holding up a hand to halt her list of names.

"Somethin' tells me no one will be opposed to the idea."

"Yay! Good!" her head drops back to Bones shoulder as his mother reaches them.

"Hope they won't mind seeing me either," she says with a small smile.

"Of course not, Mama, they love you," Bones unwrapped an arm around his daughter to wrap it around his mother's shoulders. "How did you even get here?"

"Well, dear, shuttles are much faster than hover cars," she teased, a small smile finding her face again. Bones stayed true to himself and rolled his eyes.

"I'm aware, thanks." He looked down to his daughter as she released her grip and did a small hop to the ground. "And just where do you think you're goin', missy?" he asked, unable to hide the smile that gave away he was teasing. Joanna grinned back at him.

"I'm goin' to talk to Uncle Jim!"

"Oh? You like Uncle Jim better now?" Joanna's grin grew.

"Uh huh!" Bones only laughed as she grin and ran to Jim somewhere behind him. He looked down to a slight tug on his sleeve, only to see his mother frowning at him.

"What did they decide?" she asked, her voice hushed. Bones wasn't even aware of the fact that she knew what the meeting had been about.

"How did you-" he started, and then shook his head. "Nevermind, Mama. They decided against declaring war. Everything's goin' back to the way it should." Relief washed over his mother face and she nodded.

"Good. I was so worried about you two, even before James told me what they were meeting with you about." Jim. Of course Jim had told her. Jim seemed to be the answer to all the mysteries today. "He called when you two had stopped somewhere for the night on the way back and explained. And asked if I could get here with Jojo."

"How did you even talk Jocelyn into letting you bring her? I've asked a few times for Jo to come to San Francisco and she's never-"

"I didn't talk to her, baby. Jim did." Bones' eyebrow shot up as he pulled his arm from his mother's shoulders and turned to look at Jim and Joanna. Joanna had her back to him, but had apparently confiscated his hat from Jim and was now wearing it. Jim was laughing, throwing his head back to the point that his own hat almost came off. "I think that boy would find a way to hang the moon for you, Leonard. I wouldn't question it much." Bones simply nodded in agreement, still amazed by the course of the day's events.

…

 **Kirk**

A few hours later, they found themselves crammed into Jim's apartment. They had met up with the Sulu's earlier, and had dragged them along back to the apartment, much to the delight of both Joanna and Demora. Who currently had Hikaru squished between them on the floor, playing some old board game. Sulu was losing (quite horribly at that) and there were occasional cries of "No, Uncle Karu, that's cheating!" and "You can't do that, Papa!". He would look at Ben helplessly, and get a laugh in response.

"You're all against me," he grumbled, though Jim could see a hint of a smile in his eyes.

"No, it's just hilarious that you're legitimately getting your butt kicked by two children, Karu," Ben responded, chuckling.

"And you're trying to _cheat_ ," Bones added, his voice carrying in from the kitchen.

"You know, Sulu, I figured you'd learn a thing or two from being my chief tactical officer's best friend. Apparently not," Jim said, grinning widely.

"This is a board game, not a starship!" Sulu sputtered.

"That you're playing with a nine-year-old and a five-year-old, Karu, it really shouldn't be _that_ hard."

"It's a good thing I didn't marry you for your board game abilities," Ben said, the grin on his face widening. Joanna and Demora simply giggled wildly.

"Now go easy on the poor man, girls, he appears to be having a hard time," Elena said, sitting on the couch next to Jim.

"At least let me lose with dignity," Sulu groaned.

Joanna grinned wickedly, a sight Jim couldn't help but laugh at. "Maybe," she said simply, giving a small shrug of her shoulders.

Demora gave an exaggerated huff and flopped herself against her father's arm. "Papa, when is Uncle Pavel coming? He's much better at board games," she asked, grin wide.

"Guess you really weren't kidding when you said she needed a new tic tac toe partner then," Bones said, appearing in the doorway with a cup of coffee.

"He'll be here in a couple of hours, Demora. And no, no I wasn't." Sulu responded.

Joanna turned to look at Jim. "Has Uncle Scotty called back yet?" she asked expectantly.

Jim shook his head. "Nope, not yet. He's probably pretty busy, Jo. It's a big ship."

"Can't we try again?" she asked, mustering her best puppy dog eyes. Jim groaned, knowing she knew his weakness, before agreeing.

"Alright, alright, grab my PADD." Joanna was up in a second, darting off to Jim's bedroom.

"And James Kirk has fallen victim to the notorious puppy dog eyes. Thought you were a big mean Starfleet Captain, Jim?" Sulu asked, his grin mischievous. Jim didn't get a chance to turn his sputtering into an actual response before Joanna returned, flopping onto the couch between Jim and Elena, Jim's PADD in her hands. She held it out to Jim, waiting for him to take it.

"He still might not answer, Jojo," Bones warned as Jim started the call.

"I know," Jo shrugged, watching the PADD. "I just wanted to try." Apparently, Joanna was correct in the fact that it was worth a try, as Scotty actually picked up this time. He was obviously distracted, not even looking at the PADD, and had goggles plastered to his forehead.

"Captain! Aye, what is it?" he asked, looking off somewhere in front of him. Upon hearing Scotty's voice, Demora jumped up from the floor and scrambled up onto the arm of the couch next to Jim, peering over his shoulder.

"Just wondering if you can squeeze in another trip back to San Fran, Scotty," Jim said, moving his arm so Demora could see.

"I dunno, sir, we're pretty busy up here-"

"Just for a little bit, Uncle Scotty?" Joanna asked, nearly climbing onto Jim's lap to get directly in front of the PADD. Scotty's head snapped back down to the PADD, his eyes wide.

"Joanna! I didna know you were there, lassie!" Scotty exclaimed, rather obviously both shocked and confused.

Joanna nodded excitedly. "Uncle Jim thought me and Nana should surprise Daddy. So we did," she grinned proudly.

"Miss Elena is there too?"

"Uh huh! So you're gonna come, right Uncle Scotty?" Jim watched at Scotty bit his lip, looking away from the PADD again. When he looked back down, Jo had mustered up her puppy dog eyes once more. Scotty sighed, nodding.

"Aye, I'll be there soon, Jojo. But, right now I've got to get back to my ship." Joanna grinned widely, and Demora cheered.

"Okay! Bye Uncle Scotty!" the room remained quiet as the call ended. Bones was the one to break it.

"Well Jim, I guess you're not the only one that falls victim to those big hazel eyes."

 **A/N:** YES OKAY I KNOW I TOOK FOREVER I AM A HORRIBLE AWFUL PERSON AND I AM SORRY. That being said, I did struggle a lot with not being happy with things I would write, and writer's block in general. I really want to do the end of this story justice, apparently it's taking me a bit longer than usual to do so, and I am sorry. AND I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS STORY. Just two more chapters guys! Hopefully those will be up a lot quicker but uh... we'll see. I am currently working on two other fics as well, so be sure to check those out too! As always, lots of love, and remember to favorite/follow/review to let me know how I'm doing here!


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